Chandler: Hey, how's the first day going?
Joey: Good. It's like you said. It's mostly jut putting numbers from one column into another.
Chandler: There you go.
Joey: And everybody is so nice. I just had a good talk with that lady with the red hair, Jeannie.
Chandler: Jeannie? The head of East Coast operations, Jeannie?
Joey: Yeah. Turns out our kids go to the same school. Yeah. Small world, huh?
Chandler: Weird world. Your kids?
Joey: I figure my character has kids.
Chandler: You know, there isn't a part of that sentence I don't need explained.

Joey: You see, when you're acting, you need to think about stuff like that. My character, Joseph the processing guy has two little girls, Ashley and Brittany. Ashley copies everything Brittany does.
Chandler: Well, invisible kids can be that way sometimes.

Joey: You know, Joseph and his wife, Karen, are thinking of having a third kid. You know what? Just did.
Chandler: Really, wow. That's some pretty powerful imaginary sperm you must have there.

Joey: What a phony.
Chandler: Well, I'm sure you'll teach her a lesson when she steps off the dock onto nothing.

Chandler: It's about cutting them a little slack, you know, for morale. Look, if you want to see some rough numbers I can get them to you by Wednesday.
Mr. Douglas: Rough numbers? This company was not built on rough numbers.
Joey: Right, Mr. Douglas?
Mr. Douglas: Have the final numbers on my desk by Tuesday.
Chandler: If you say so, sir.
Joey: Joseph's good, isn't he?
Chandler: Well, I'm going to kill you.
Joey: Hey. Hey, I just figured Joseph's the kind of guy who likes to mix it up. You know, get in there, ruffle some feathers.
Chandler: Why?
Joey: Look, I'm sorry, but that's what Joseph does. Okay? If you try to pull something he'll call you on it. "What are you trying to pull?" he'll say.

Richard: Monica wake up. Monica.
Monica: What's up?
Richard: I thought of a thing.
Monica: Yeah?
Richard: I have to sleep, have to, on this side of the bed.
Monica: No. You have to sleep on this side of the bed because I have to sleep on this side of the bed.
Richard: Or so I would have you believe.
Monica: So you have a side of the bed. Everybody has a side of the bed.
Richard: Hey, come on. You haven't heard my reason yet.
Monica: All right, go on.
Richard: Okay. I have to sleep on the west side because I grew up in California and otherwise the ocean would be on the wrong side.
Monica: Oh, my God. You're a freak.

Ryan: Can you believe that's how we spent our two weeks?
Phoebe: I know. We didn't do any of the romantic things I'd planned Iike having a picnic in Central Park and coffee at Central Perk. Oh, I just got that.

Phoebe: No, he's my submarine guy. He resurfaces every couple years and we have an amazing three days together. Only this time, he's coming for 2 weeks. Two whole weeks, which means "yea"!
Rachel: So this guy goes down for, like, two years at a time?
[Chandler tries to say something, but he has a mouthful of muffin]
Monica: That'll teach you to lick my muffin.
Chandler: [aggravated mumble]

Chandler: Scott Alexander, Joey Tribbiani. Joey is a fellow processor.
Scott Alexander: No kidding?
Joey: Oh, yeah. I process. People want the processing, I'm the one they call.
Scott Alexander: Where do you work?
Joey: Well, right now, I'm in between things. You know how it is, one day you're processing, the next day you're not so much processing anymore.

Phoebe: I'm hideous!
Monica: It's gonna be okay. Hey, Ryan's been underwater. He's just gonna be glad you don't have barnacles on your butt.