Judy Geller: Well, we'd better get going. It's late. Jack's not allowed to drive at night any more. He has trouble staying in his lane.
Jack Geller: Last winter, I went up on a church lawn and drove right through a manger scene. The papers thought it was a hate crime.

Jack Geller: I can't believe Emma's already one.
Judy Geller: I remember your first birthday. Ross was jealous of all the attention we were giving you. He pulled on his testicles so hard we had to take him to the emergency room.
Ross: There's something you didn't know about your dad.

Judy Geller: Hello, Emma. Happy 18th birthday.
Jack Geller: Right now, that seems so far away. Seventeen years.
Judy Geller: Yes. You'll be all grown up by then, and we'll be- Well, your grandfather and I might not be here.
Jack Geller: That's true. This message could be coming to you from beyond the grave, Emma.
Judy Geller: After all, my parents died very young.
Jack Geller: And my cholesterol's off the charts.
Judy Geller: Remember, Emma, heart disease kills women too.

Joey: We were supposed to bring presents?
Phoebe: Yeah. I wrote Emma a song.
Joey: Oh, yeah. How was I supposed to know?
Phoebe: Joey, it's a birthday party.
Joey: Yeah, but for a 1 -year-old. What's the point? The other day she laughed for an hour at a cup. Just a cup with a picture of Elmo on it, dressed as a farmer. And he's standing next to this cow, and the cow says, "El-moo." Man, that's a funny cup.

Judy Geller: Jack, look at this.
Jack Geller: I know what you're thinking, Judy. The resemblance is uncanny.
Ross: I am this close to tugging on my testicles again.

Rachel: So, Joey, what are you gonna do for us?
Joey: I will be doing a dramatic reading of one of Emma's books.
Rachel: Oh, okay. Which one?
Joey: Well, it's one of her favorites. "Riding the Storm Out: Coping With Postpartum Depression." Eeesh. "Love You Forever". Love You Forever, by Robert Munsch. Published by Firefly Books. Printed in Mexico. Ahem.
A mother held her new baby and very slowly rocked him back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. And while she held him, she sang, 'I'll love you forever. I'll like you for always. As long as I'm living my baby you'll be.'...
And while he rocked her, he sang: 'I'll love you forever. I'll like you for always. As long as I'm living my baby you'll be.'
Rachel: Oh, wow! That was amazing.
Ross: Thank you so much for that gift.
Chandler: I was not ready for this today.
Ross: Amazing. Amazing.

Phoebe: Aren't you gonna be embarrassed going up there having nothing prepared?
Joey: Hey, I do it every week with three cameras pointed at me and a whole crew waiting.

Rachel: Phoebe has prepared something as well.
Phoebe: That's right. I prepared a song for Emma, from my heart to hers. For there's no greater gift than the gift of music.
[playing guitar and singing] Emma, Your name poses a dilemma, 'Cause not much else rhymes with Emma, Maybe the actor Richard Crenna - He played the commanding officer in Rambo, Happy birthday Emma.
Rachel: Is that it?
Phoebe: No, of course not. No, I've also, you know, prepared a reading. "Sex and the Single Mother." "Finding your G-spot."
Ross: Oh, no, no, no!

Rachel: Yes, I still want my daughter's picture, but on a bunny cake. Yellow cake, chocolate frosting with nuts.
Chandler: To be fair, this one does have nuts.

Rachel: We had this idea to make a birthday video for Emma and we'll give it to her when she's 18.
Phoebe: Oh, cool. Wow, it's like a time capsule. Oh, just think, she's gonna be watching that video on a TV that hasn't even been invented yet with friends who, right now, are just, like, babies. And they'll be living in a floating city that the humans built to escape the ant people.
Ross: That's the hope.