‘The One with the Birthing Video’
Season 8, Episode 15 - Aired February 7, 2002
Chandler and Monica's Valentine's Day is ruined when they watch a birthing video that Phoebe left for Rachel. Meanwhile, Ross struggles to break the news to Mona that Rachel is living with him, and Phoebe tries to cheer Joey up with a dog.
Quote from Chandler
Chandler: Well, I'm not really in a sexy mood.
Monica: Hey, what's going on?
Chandler: Remember the first time you saw "Jaws" how long it took to go back in the water?
Quote from Ross
Mona: I brought you back a present.
Ross: Oh, come on, you didn't have to- Saltwater taffy?! Thanks. You know, it's interesting. Most people think this is made with seawater, but it's actually made with salted fresh water. That's not interesting.
Mona: I think it's interesting.
Ross: I do too. I missed you!
Quote from Ross
Ross: I was missing out on all this other stuff too. So Joey suggested Rachel move in with me.
Mona: Yeah, right.
Ross: What?
Mona: Joey cracks me up. It's like, "Yeah, why don't you have your ex-wife move in. with you" That wouldn't be awkward at all.
Ross: Huh. Heh.
Mona: Hey, could you imagine? I go away for a few days and I come back, and my boyfriend is living with some woman he got pregnant. So, what'd you tell him?
Ross: [mumbles while eating saltwater taffy]
Quote from Phoebe
Phoebe: Taffy? Really? I've never had any.
Ross: Ever?
Phoebe: Well, I think my mother was too busy planning her suicide to provide saltwater treats.
Quote from Joey
Joey: So between her and me being friends, and her history with Ross it just isn't gonna happen.
It'd be like you falling in love with a cat.
Quote from Ross
Rachel: Oh, I've got big Valentine's plans. I've got my Chinese food on the way, and the rest of your saltwater taffy.
Ross: You know, it's interesting. Most people think's made with seawater, when in fact-
Rachel: Ross, we actually watched the documentary together.
Quote from Ross
Mona: Seriously, what is she doing?
Ross: You know, lately she just likes hanging out here.
Mona: Why?
Ross: I think she's lonely.
Mona: Okay, but it's Valentine's Day. Can't we just ask her to go?
Ross: Well, no, she's way too emotional. And by emotional, I mean crazy!
Rachel: I'm not here. That's just my Chinese food.
Mona: Oh, my God. She has food delivered here?
Ross: Yes, she's emotional, but ballsy.
Quote from Ross
Mona: Ross is too nice to say it, but this is his apartment. We need boundaries, so why don't you go back to your place?
Rachel: But, Mona, I live here.
Ross: Happy Valentine's Day! Or, something to remember me by.
Quote from Chandler
Chandler: It haunts me. Till now, the worst thing I'd seen was my dad doing tequila shots off the naked houseboy. After this, I would gladly make that my screensaver.
Quote from Chandler
Rachel: I'm so sorry to barge in on your Valentine, but I had to get away from all the yelling. Mona is dumping Ross.
Monica: Oh, my God.
Chandler: Poor Ross. Oh, great. We have to watch him do yoga in his underwear, but for this he closes the drapes.