Chandler: All right, I've got a plan. I'll go down the fire escape-
Monica: Because all good plans start with, "I'll go down the fire escape."

Chandler: Hear me out, woman. I'll go down the fire escape and wait a while. Then when I come up the stairs, it'll be like I just got back from Tulsa. Then Joey and I will come in and see that there's no guy in here.
Monica: Aren't you afraid that Joey's gonna figure all this out? I heard it.

Phoebe: What were you thinking?
Rachel: I don't know. He was cute, and he liked me. It was an impulse.
Phoebe: But what about Ross? What about your moment? Don't you wanna talk to Ross about it?
Rachel: No. No, because I know exactly how the conversation's gonna go.
"Hey, Ross, you know, I think we had a moment before."
"Yeah. [ahem] Me too."
"Well, but I'm not sure I really want to do anything about it."
"Yeah. [ahem, ahem] Me neither. [ahem]"
"Well, should we just continue to live together and not really tell each other how we're really feeling?"
"Yeah, that works for me. [ahem, ahem]"
Phoebe: Yeah, I see what you mean. By the way, nice Ross imitation. But your Rachel wasn't whiny enough.
Rachel: What? Hey!
Phoebe: Better.

Phoebe: Okay, Rachel gave this guy her number and she doesn't want Ross to answer the phone. So you have to intercept all his calls.
Mike: I can't do that.
Phoebe: He says he can't do that.
Rachel: Oh, give me the phone. Hi, Mike. Hi, listen, I know that this is a lot to ask, but you know what? If you do this, Phoebe will do anything you want. Seriously, I'm talking dirty stuff.
Phoebe: All right. Hello? Hi, I'm sorry about her. But actually, she wasn't wrong about the dirty stuff.
Mike: All right, I'll do it. But really, how much dirtier can it get?
Phoebe: Oh, Mike.

Joey: Wow. That didn't take long. I thought you said Tulsa was, like, a three-hour flight?
Chandler: Well, you're forgetting about the time difference.
Joey: Yeah.

Monica: Chandler, you're home.
Chandler: That's right. Your husband's home. So now the sex can stop.
Monica: What are you saying?
Chandler: Joey said you're here with another man.
Monica: There's no man in here. How dare you accuse me of that. [Monica slaps Chandler]
Joey: All right. All right. Then maybe you won't mind if me and my friend take a look around.
Chandler: What's he doing?
Monica: I arranged some pillows on the bed to look like a guy.
Joey: Bedroom's clear. Although you might need some new pillows.

Joey: Why do I smell men's cologne?
Monica: I think that's you.
Joey: Oh, yeah. I rubbed a magazine on myself earlier.

Joey: Wait a minute, wait a minute. If you just got back from Tulsa, how did your suitcase beat you here?
Chandler: I climbed down the fire escape, and you can't put that in the closet?

Mike: So, with the exception of the fermentation process, beer and ale are basically the same thing. Fascinating, isn't it?
Ross: Maybe you should look up "fascinating."

Rachel: Did he call? Did that guy call?
Mike: No, just his mom.
Rachel: Oh. Around 8:30?
Mike: Yeah.
Rachel: Then again at 9:00?
Mike: Yeah.