Phoebe: Okay. But the question is, who's gonna go first? Because whoever goes second is the bitch.
Monica: What do you mean?
Phoebe: Come on, the boss that fires a guy that's just been dumped? Bitch! And the woman who dumps a guy that's just been fired? Blond bitch!
Monica: I wanted to do this days ago, so I think I should go first.
Phoebe: All right, that makes sense. But screw you! I'm going first!

Ross: Now, where is this "actor" taking them?
Joey: Hey! I'm an "actor" too.

Ross: I've always had this picture of me and my next wife in bed, my kid comes running in, leaps up on the bed and we all read the paper. Maybe fight over the science section.

Joey: Hey, tell you what, let's you and me go out and have some fun. Whatever you want. Come on.
Ross: We can still catch that Ukrainian film.
Joey: No, I said fun.

Chandler: Bob, I'm the reason you didn't get the job up here.
Bob: Toby, don't.
Chandler: Bob.
Bob: Toby, I'm not gonna let you cover for him. Anything you say right now will just get me more upset with Chandler.
Chandler: Well, that puts me in a difficult position.

Ross: You want a little cheering up?
Rachel: Yeah.
Ross: Sit down. Guess whose middle name is Muriel?
Rachel: [gasps] Chandler M. Bing.
Ross: Uh-huh.
Rachel: Oh, my God.

Joey: You're not gonna tell him you're pregnant?
Rachel: I don't think so. All the books say wait until the 3rd date to tell a guy you've got something growing in your uterus.

Joey: Oh, you know, Kash really liked you the other day. He thought you were charming.
Rachel: Oh. I thought I was a complete idiot.
Joey: Hey, I'm with you.

Monica: So now I'm not allowed to fire him?
Phoebe: You can't fire him and dump him in the same day, he'll kill himself.
Monica: Well then, I'll fire him today and you go out with him for another week.
Phoebe: Are you kidding? Another week with that sip, I'll kill myself.

Phoebe: You made pesto?
Tim: Yes, I did.
Phoebe: Would you say your pesto is the best-o?
Tim: I don't know, but I would say it's pretty good-o.