‘The One with Phoebe's Uterus’
Season 4, Episode 11 - Aired January 8, 1998
Phoebe's half-brother, Frank Jr., asks her for a huge favor. Meanwhile, Ross gets Joey a job at the museum, and Rachel and Monica help Chandler improve his performance in the bedroom for Kathy.
Quote from Chandler
Chandler: Kathy's last boyfriend was Joey.
Ross: And you're afraid you won't be able to fill his shoes?
Chandler: No, I'm afraid I won't be able to make love as well as him.
Ross: No, I was going for the metaphor.
Chandler: Yes, and I was saying the actual words.
Quote from Chandler
Monica: Most guys will hit one, two, three and then go to seven and set up camp.
Chandler: That's bad?
Rachel: Well, if you go to Disneyland, you don't spend the whole day on the Matterhorn.
Chandler: Well, you might if it were anything like seven.
Quote from Ross
Ross: You know we work in a museum of natural history. And yet, there is something ... unnatural ... about the way we eat lunch. Now, I look around this cafeteria, and you know what I see? I see division. Division between people in white coats and people in blue blazers. And I ask myself, "My God, why?" Now, I say we shed these, these coats that separate us. And we get to know the people underneath.
I'm Ross. I'm divorced and I have a kid.
Quote from Joey
Joey: I'm Joey. I'm an actor. I don't know squat about dinosaurs.
Quote from Phoebe
Phoebe: My mom was right. If I can't give him up there's no way I can give up a little baby. Frank and Alice are going to be so crushed. What else can I give them? A kidney!
Quote from Phoebe
Phoebe: It'll be a million times harder to give up a baby, but oh, my God. It's going to feel a million times better, right?
Quote from Phoebe
Phoebe: Guess what. Frank Jr. and Alice got married.
Rachel: Oh, my God.
Phoebe: And they're going to have a baby.
Chandler: Whoa.
Rachel: What?
Phoebe: And, and they want me to grow it for them in my uterus. [stunned silence]
Quote from Phoebe
Phoebe: You know, you guys were a lot more supportive when I wanted to make denim furniture.
Quote from Chandler
Kathy: I love this tushy. Can I take it to work with me?
Chandler: Yeah, sure. It's not mine anyway. It came with the pants.
Quote from Chandler
Monica: Just because Joey's had a lot of girlfriends doesn't mean he's great in bed.
Chandler: We share a wall. Either he's great, or she liked to agree with him a lot. Loudly and a lot. All night long she'd agree.