Rachel: Oh, I win. He's got Barney's on his speed dial.
Phoebe: You don't know it's Barney's the store. That could be his friend's house or a bar- Who has Barney's the store on their speed dial?
Rachel: His new girlfriend.

Monica: He cannot play at our wedding. I mean, everyone will leave. Come on, that is just noise! It's not even a song.
Chandler: Wait. If you listen very carefully I think it's "Celebration" by Kool and the Gang.

Rachel: Pheebs, remember when we were in the coffeehouse we decided I was gonna keep the cute guy's cell phone?
Phoebe: Yep.
Rachel: And remember how I said I was gonna keep it in my purse, so that if it rang, I could just pick it up?
Phoebe: Yeah.
Rachel: And then do you remember going into my purse and stealing the phone?
Phoebe: Ooh, now you lost me.
Rachel: You stole the phone.
Phoebe: No, I didn't.
Rachel: No? So you're saying if I called it, it wouldn't ring?
Phoebe: No.
Rachel: Okay.
Phoebe: But while you dial, let me show you the features of my new ringing handbag. Oh, it does work.

Phoebe: That is a different phone.
Rachel: Oh, is it? Hello. Yes, hi. Is Rachel there? Yes, she is. Just one moment, please. It's for me!
Phoebe: That is damning evidence.

Chandler: Well, I feel like a snack.
Monica: Do you want some shortbread? See, it's Scottish, like you are.
Chandler: Oh, no, thanks. I don't like anything from my Scottish heritage.
Ross: What?
Chandler: Well, it's just that my entire family was run out of Scotland by ... Vikings.
Ross: Well, it sounds to me like your family is ready to rediscover its Scottish roots.
Monica: You can't play bagpipes at the wedding!
Ross: How did you know about that?
Chandler: We heard you play from our apartment.
Ross: Were you the ones who called the cops?
Chandler: That's not really important right now.

Chandler: What is important is, while we appreciate the gesture we just don't feel that bagpipes are appropriate for our wedding.
Ross: Why not?
Chandler: Because we hate them.
Ross: Just give me a chance to perform for you, then decide whatever you want. I'm not gonna tell you what song I'm gonna play, either. But let's just say when it's over I'll bet there'll be a wee bit o' celebration.

Cecilia Monroe: Well, you certainly own that room.
Joey: Actually, I rent the whole place. And I just got what you meant. Thank you.

Rachel: Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, Jessica Lockhart! In my apartment! I am such a huge fan.
I am such a huge fan.
Cecilia Monroe: Well, itt's nice to know that you-
Rachel: Monica! Monica!
Joey: That's my roommate, Rachel.
Cecilia Monroe: Oh, that explains all the women's underwear.
Joey: Sure.

Monica: Oh, my God, it's true. Can I just ask you to do me just one favor?
Cecilia Monroe: Certainly.
Monica: Would you slap me right here in the face?
Cecilia Monroe: I'd love to, but my lawyer said I can't do that anymore.
Joey: All right, here we go.
Monica: No, wait. Just one moment. You're a stupid bitch.
Cecilia Monroe: I really can't slap you.
Monica: My God, you're great.
Joey: Thanks for stopping by. See ya.

Cecilia Monroe: How does it happen?
Joey: You get thrown from a horse into an electric fence.
Cecilia Monroe: A what? Jessica hates horses.
Joey: Yeah, well, I'm guessing after this she's not gonna be crazy about electricity, either.