Rachel: So did they call you to tell you your name's going to be in this?
Joey: No. They really like me over there, though. They want to do a big profile on me, but I said no.
Ross: Why'd you say no?
Joey: Remember what happened the last time I did an interview for them? I said I write a lot of my own lines, and then the writers got mad and made my character fall down the elevator shaft. Who knows what I might say this time?
Chandler: If only there was something in your head to control the things you say.

Rachel: Oh, come on, Joey, you'll totally keep it in check this time. Plus, the publicity would be really good for your career. You deserve that. And if you do the interview, you could mention, I don't know, "gal pal Rachel Green."
Chandler: Is that "gal pal" spelled L-O-S-E-R?
Rachel: Okay, don't listen to him. Please?
Joey: Fine, all right, I'll do it. But hey, you guys have to be at the next table so you can stop me if I start to say something stupid.
Ross: Just then, or all the time? Because we have jobs, you know?
Rachel: Well, we will be there for you the whole time. Just remember: Gal pal, Rachel Green.
I'm gonna be in "Soap Opera Digest"! And not just in the dumb crossword. Seriously, proud of you.

Monica: You think we're being obvious?
Chandler: No. We're just four people with neck problems, who talk like this.

Joey: I don't believe in these crazy diets. Just everything in moderation.
Gunther: Your muffins.
Joey: I'll take those to go. [to the interviewer] For the kids.

Interviewer: Oh, I know what I wanted to ask you. You were on the show years ago and then they killed you off. What happened there?
Joey: It's so stupid. I said some stuff in an interview that I really shouldn't have said. But believe me, that is not gonna happen today.
Interviewer: Understood. So, what'd you say back then?
Joey: I said that l-
Group: Hey, Joey!

Rachel: Well, l I'd just like to say that Joey truly has enriched the days of our lives.

Joey: Me? Gay? No. No. No. But I have a number of close friends who are.

Interviewer: Oh, wait, I almost forgot. We have to ask everybody this: Other than "Days of Our Lives", what's your favorite soap opera?
Joey: Oh, I don't watch soap operas. Excuse me? I have a life, you know?
Interviewer: Thank you. The readers at "Soap Opera Digest" will be happy to learn that.
Joey: Oh. Good enough. ... So close.

Rachel: Wow. I can't believe they didn't put in the part where you said you don't watch soap operas.
Joey: Yeah. I called the lady about that and told her I was just joking. She was pretty nice about it.
Monica: You slept with her, didn't you?
Joey: A little bit. Yep.