Ross: The point is, my natural charisma has made him fail his midterm.
Rachel: Aw, now I feel bad for the kid. See, I had a crush on a teacher once, and it was so hard.
I couldn't concentrate and I blushed every time he looked at me. I mean, come, you remember what it's like to be 19 and in love.
Ross: I guess I can cut him some slack.
Rachel: Yeah.
Joey: How'd you get over that teacher?
Rachel: I didn't. I got under him.
Joey: Problem solved.

Joey: And the winner is: Jessica Ashley from Days of Our Lives. Unfortunately, Jessica couldn't be with us tonight so I'll accept this award on her behalf. And I'm sure that Jessica would like to thank my parents, who always believed in me. She'd also like to thank my friends: Chandler, Monica, Ross, Phoebe and Rachel, who's sitting right there.

Rachel: Joey, do you really want an award you didn't win?
Joey: No, I want an award I did win. But nobody's given me any of those. Plus, if I put it up, when people come over, they'll see it and think I won it.
Rachel: Joey, it says "Best Supporting Actress."
Joey: I can scratch that right off.

Monica: I'm going to have to talk to him about all this.
Phoebe: No, that is the last thing you want to do.
Monica: Why?
Phoebe: Because you're marrying him.
Monica: You gotta help me out here, Pheebs.
Phoebe: All right, I've never been engaged and I've never really been married. But I can only tell you what my mother told me. Whenever you have doubts or fears or anxieties about a relationship do not communicate them to your husband.
Monica: So I'm not supposed to share my doubts and fears with the guy I'm going to spend the rest of my life with?
Phoebe: That is correct. Yes. You're supposed to take all that stuff and put it in a little box in your mind and then lock it up tight.
Monica: Your mother told you this?
Phoebe: Yes.
Monica: The woman who married a bunch of times and killed herself when you were 13?
Phoebe: Oh, my God, you're right. All right, go. Go tell Chandler. Hurry, before it's too late! Wait. Does this also mean that putting out doesn't get you love?

Joey: Listen, here's your Soapie. I accepted it for you.
Jessica Ashley: Oh, my God. I won? Do you have any idea what this means? [Jessica dumps the award on the couch]
Joey: That's it? You're not gonna put it on your shelf or anything?
Jessica Ashley: No, I try to save that for real awards. Now if you'll excuse me.
Joey: Take it back?
Rachel: Absolutely. [Rachel picks up a vase of flowers]
Joey: Yeah you do.

Ross: Mr. Morse? Can I speak to you for a moment?
Mr. Morse: That was a great lecture today. Did you get a little haircut?
Ross: Yeah, yeah. Do you like it? Do you love it? I just want you to know that I'm changing your grade back.
Mr. Morse: What? Why?
Ross: Because I know what you're trying to pull here. Okay, it's not going to work.
Mr. Morse: I'm not trying to pull anything. Look, I love you, dude.
Ross: You know what, I'm not even gonna talk about this. This little "thing" is over. I know you have a girlfriend. Okay, yeah. And I know about the other professors. How do you think that makes me feel, Ned? You used me! You don't love me and you never did! Professor Winston.
Professor Frederickson. I'll be right with you. [to Ned] Don't make this worse and I'll give you a "C." Shall we?

Monica: But you're a guy. Aren't you freaked out that you'll never sleep with anybody else?
Chandler: Sleeping with somebody, no. Anxiety, panic and, I'm afraid, even more sweating.
Monica: Even with me?
Chandler: I was dangerously dehydrated during the first six months of our relationship.

Waitress: A woman had two bites of her steak. Want me to wrap it up for your dog?
Monica: Oh, yeah.
Waitress: What's your dog's name again?
Monica: Joey.

Rachel: And it was Ernest Muhlbrat that first hypothesized that the velociraptor, when threatened, would expand its collar and emit a high-pitched noise to frighten off predators. Yes, Mr. Lewis?
Mr. Lewis: What kind of noise?
Ross: Just a high-pitched, intimidating noise.
Mr. Lewis: But like how?
Ross: Well, we don't know for sure. But in my head, it sounded something like this: [shrieking] Of course, this is just conjecture.

Phoebe: Oh, my God. That guy at the counter's totally checking you out.
Monica: Really? Oh, my God, he's really cute.
Phoebe: Go for it.
Monica: Phoebe, I'm engaged.
Phoebe: I'm just saying, get his number, just in case. But if Chandler's in an accident and can't perform sexually then he would want you to take a lover to satisfy the needs that he can no longer fulfill.