‘The One with Frank, Jr.’
Season 3, Episode 5 - Aired October 17, 1996
Phoebe spends time with her half-brother, Frank, but they have difficulty bonding. Meanwhile, Ross tries to list five celebrities he would most like to sleep with and Joey attempts to build an entertainment center.
Quote from Ross
Joey: Rach, how about you?
Rachel: Oh, I don't know. I guess Chris O'Donnell, John F. Kennedy Jr, Daniel Day-Lewis, Sting and Parker Stevenson.
Ross: Spiderman?
Rachel: Hardy Boy.
Chandler: Peter Parker.
Ross: Thank you.
Quote from Chandler
Frank: Hey, how do you guys get anything done?
Chandler: We don't, really.
Quote from Chandler
Phoebe: We're gonna connect and bond and everything.
Frank: I thought we could go down to Times Square and pick up some ninja stars. Oh, and my friend, Larry, he wants me to take a picture of a hooker.
Chandler: You know, we really don't take advantage of living in the city.
Quote from Joey
Joey: Calm down! Do you want this unit or not?
Chandler: I do not want this unit!
Joey: You should've told me before. I'm not a mind reader. [Joey taps his pencil on Chandler's head]
Quote from Monica
Joey: Look at that. Every inch of this is glued down. It'd take forever to pry this up. You should just leave it.
Monica: I can't leave it. You gouged a hole in my dingy floor.
Joey: [Joey puts the toilet brush over the hole] There. There you go.
Monica: Yeah, that's nice. We can put it back there after the surgeons remove it from your colon!
Quote from Rachel
Ross: Okay, I've got free of my five.
Rachel: Three of your five what?
Ross: Celebrities I'm allowed to sleep with.
Rachel: Oh, my God, you're giving this a lot of thought.
Ross: Hey, it's hard, okay? I only have two spots left.
Chandler: All right. Who you got it narrowed down to?
Ross: Elizabeth Hurley.
Chandler: Very attractive. Forgiving.
Ross: Susan Sarandon.
Chandler: You know what? She's too political. She'd probably wouldn't let you do it until you donated four cans of food first.
Ross: And Isabella Rossellini.
Chandler: Very hot. Very sexy. But she's too international. She's never gonna be around.
Rachel: So?
Chandler: So you gotta play the odds. Pick somebody who's gonna be in the country all the time.
Rachel: Yeah. Because that's why you won't get Isabella Rossellini. Geography.
Quote from Monica
Monica: How's it going with you guys?
Phoebe: So far it kind of blows. I don't know, I just thought he'd feel more like a brother. Like you and Ross. Just like close and connected and-
Monica: We're close now. You wouldn't believe the years of noogies, and wedgies, and flying wedgies, and atomic wedgies and- That's when the waistband actually goes over your head.
Quote from Chandler
Chandler: Seen Joey?
Monica: What's the matter?
Chandler: Oh, just this! [a lid is stuck to Chandler's butt] It's my fault, really, because the couch is where we keep the varnish.
Quote from Phoebe
Joey: Maybe my ruler's wrong.
Phoebe: Maybe all the rulers are wrong.
Quote from Rachel
Rachel: Okay, sir, let me just see if I've got this right. So this is a half-caf, double-tall, easy hazelnut, nonfat, no foam, with whip, extra-hot latte, right? Okay. Great. You freak.