Monica: I can't believe that sign didn't work.
Chandler: You know what would work? Stop making candy.
Monica: But they like it.
Chandler: You mean they like you.
Monica: Maybe.
Chandler: Is that why you became a chef, so people would like you?
Monica: Oh. You really want to talk about getting people to like you, huh, funny man?

Monica: The basket is totally empty. Oh, my God, the neighbors ate all the candy.
Chandler: Well, either that or...
Monica: Joey!

Rachel: So did you read your evaluation yet?
Tag: No, it was marked "confidential." I just sent it down to human resources.
Rachel: Okay, please, you're kidding, right? I wrote that one as a joke for you.
Tag: A joke they would appreciate?
Rachel: I'm thinking, no.
Tag: What did you say?
Rachel: I said I thought you were a good kisser and that I liked your teeny, tiny tushy.
Tag: Oh, no, not my tushy.
Rachel: Oh, it gets worse. Where asked if you take initiative, I wrote: "Yes, he was able to unhook my bra with minimal supervision." And under problems with performance, I wrote, "Dear God, I hope not." And then- And then I drew a little smiley face. And then a small pornographic sketch.

Monica: See? This is why I told you not to get involved with your assistant. There's no such thing as a secret when it comes to affairs. Did you hear that, Chandler? No such thing!
Chandler: What happened? I'm just eating candy.

Ben: I'm ready.
Ross: You sure?
Ben: Uh-huh.
Chandler: Let me just straighten out your helmet there.
Ben: Thanks, Daddy.
Ross: No, no. One daddy, two mommies.

Monica: Did the girl ever let you ride it?
Phoebe: No. But she gave me the box that it came in. It had a picture of the bike on the front. So I would sit on it and my stepdad would drag me around the backyard.
Ross: That is so unfair.
Phoebe: Not really, I got to drag him around too.

Monica: Ross, the neighbors ate all my candy.
Ross: Mine stole my newspaper. It's like a crime wave.

Chandler: I am sorry, but some of us have to get up early and go to work. He does not know that I am not "some of us."

Monica: That is so sweet of you to get Phoebe that bike. When I heard the story, I almost cried.
Joey: Almost cried, huh? Hear that, Chandler? "Almost" cried.

Joey: Hey, Chandler, do we know that lady?
Chandler: Maybe. Isn't she the woman who lives below you and has sex really loud?
Monica: All right, I'll do it just this once. But you can't tell anyone.
Woman: Yes, yes, please, just give it to me.
Joey and Chandler: Yeah, that's her.