Ross: I thought it was going to be a closed casket.
Judy Geller: Well, that doesn't mean she can't look nice.

Shelly: It's a shame. You and Lowell would've made a great couple.
Chandler: Lowell? Financial Services Lowell? That's who you saw me with?
Shelly: What? He's cute.
Chandler: Well, yeah. He's no Brian in Payroll.
Shelly: Is Brian?
Chandler: No, I don't know. Point is, if you were gonna set me up I'd like to think it'd be with somebody like him.
Shelly: Well, I think Brian's a little out of your league.
Chandler: Excuse me. You don't think I could get a Brian? Because I could get a Brian. Believe you me. I'm really not.

Monica: lt was a really beautiful service.
Judy Geller: lt really was. Come here, sweetheart. You know, I think it might be time for you to start using night cream.

Joey: What?
Chandler: Nothing. Nothing. Just that your overcoat sounds remarkably like Brent Musberger.
Joey: Check it out. Giants-Cowboys.
Chandler: You're watching football at a funeral?
Joey: No, it's the pre-game. I'm gonna watch it at the reception.
Chandler: You are a frightening, frightening man.

Judy Geller: Your grandmother would've hated this.
Monica: Well, sure, what with it being her funeral and all.

Monica: So tell me something, Mom. If you had to do it all over again, I mean, if she was here right now, would you tell her?
Judy Geller: Tell her what?
Monica: How she drove you crazy, picking on every little detail. Like your hair, for example.
Judy Geller: I'm not sure I know what you're getting at.
Monica: Do you think things would have been better if you'd just told her the truth?
Judy Geller: No, I think some things are better left unsaid. I think it's nicer when people just get along. More wine, dear?
Monica: Oh, I think so.
Judy Geller: Those earrings look really lovely on you.
Monica: Thank you. They're yours.
Judy Geller: Actually, they were Nana's.

Chandler: Did any of the rest of you guys think that when you first met me?
Monica: I did.
Phoebe: I think so, yeah.
Joey: Not me.
Ross: No, no, me neither. Although back in college, Susan Saladore did.
Chandler: You're kidding. Did you tell her I wasn't?
Ross: No. It's because I kind of wanted to go out with her too. So I told her, actually, you were seeing Bernie Spellman, who also liked her.

Monica: Dad, let's just make a decision.
Jack Geller: You're right. This is crazy. It’s just going into the ground. We should just get the most basic thing.
Monica: Great! That would be the non-protective corrugate fiberboard with white laminate. And we can’t bury Nana in dresser drawer from Ikea.
Jack Geller: See, this is why your mother buys all my clothes. I hate to shop. I hate it!
Monica: Dad, don't you think this might be more about the fact that...once you make the decision, it's like acknowledging Nana's actually gone?
Jack Geller: No, I really hate to shop.

Judy Geller: What is going on?
Ross: Well, you know how the nurse said Nana had passed? Well, she's not quite.
Judy Geller: What?
Ross: She's not passed! She's present! She's back!

Chandler: Hey, Lowell.
Lowell: Oh, hey, Chandler.
Chandler: So how's it going in Financial Services?
Lowell: It's like Mardi Gras without the papier-mache heads. How about you?
Chandler: Good. Good. Listen, I don't know what Shelly told you about me, but I'm not-
Lowell: I know. That's what I told her.
Chandler: Really?
Lowell: Yeah.
Chandler: So you can tell?
Lowell: Pretty much. Most of the time. We have a kind of radar.
Chandler: So you don't think I have a quality?
Lowell: Speaking for my people, I'd have to say no. By the way, your friend Brian, from Payroll? He is.
Chandler: He is?
Lowell: And way out of your league.
Chandler: Out of my league! I could get a Brian. If I wanted to get a Brian, I could get a Brian. Hey, Brian.