Monica: Wait a minute. You stayed home all day and played Ms. Pac-Man while I went off o work like some kind of chump?
Chandler: Uh-huh. And I got all the top ten scores and erased Phoebe off the board. High-five!
Monica: What is the matter with your hand?
Chandler: Well, I've been playing it for like eight hours. It'll loosen up. Come on, check out the scores. And also look at the initials. They're dirty words.
Monica: Chandler, why would you do that?
Chandler: Because it's awesome.
Monica: You think this is clever?
Chandler: Well, you know, they only give you three letters, so after A-S-S, it is a bit of a challenge.
Monica: Wait a minute. This one's not dirty.
Chandler: Well, it is when you put it together with that one.
Monica: Oh. Well, if you don't clear this off, you won't be getting one of those from me.

Joey: I gotta say. I never knew I could enjoy the non-sex part of a date so much.
Rachel: Well, that is because you have never been on a date with me before. All right. Now don't judge me. I normally wait till my date leaves, but you live here. I'm ripping into the swan.
Joey: Okay, well, then you don't judge me. I'm gonna suck on the cellophane from the brownie I had before.

Rachel: Hey, Joey, can I ask you something?
Joey: Yeah.
Rachel: After our date last night, did you feel a little weird?
Joey: Oh, my God. You did too? It totally freaked me out. What was that?
Rachel: I don't know. I'm kind of thinking it was the lobster.
Joey: Oh, yeah. Yeah, the lobster.
Rachel: I mean, I was up sick all night.
Joey: Yeah, me too. All night.
Rachel: Really? How come we didn't cross paths?
Joey: Yeah, well, that's because I stayed in my room. Yeah, you don't want to look in my hamper.

Rachel: Thank God you're home! I'm watching "Cujo."
Joey: Alone?
Rachel: Yes! What is wrong with this dog?
Joey: Hey, did you get to the part where they're trapped in the car and Cujo's throwing himself at the windshield?
Rachel: No, no. No, seriously, what's wrong with the dog? Wait a minute, what are you doing home so early? What happened to your date?
Joey: Oh, it didn't work out.
Rachel: Well, do you want to watch the rest of the movie with me?
Joey: Oh, okay. Yeah.
Rachel: Well, I never thought I'd say this about a movie, but I really hope this dog dies. What are you doing over there? Come sit here and protect me.
Joey: Oh. Sure, yeah. Why not?
Rachel: That's him, that's him! That's Cujo!
Joey: I know. I know. It's gonna be okay.
Rachel: Oh, my God. What's he gonna do now? I can't watch. Oh, seriously, how can you watch this? Aren't you scared?
Joey: Terrified.

Phoebe: Hey, you guys? I'm sorry that I was hogging the game before. Oh, my God. Your friends have some unfortunate initials.

Phoebe: Hey, I got you a present!
Chandler: Oh, my God, where did you hide it?

Phoebe: I ordered it for your wedding and it's finally here.
Chandler: Pheebs, you didn't have to get us anything for our wedding, you already did so-
Monica: I love it! It's huge! Let's open it! Open it!
Phoebe: It's a Ms. Pac-Man machine!
Monica: Oh, my God.
Phoebe: I didn't know where to put it, so I just left it here for now.
Monica: Maybe we can put it in the guest bedroom.
Chandler: Yeah, okay. ... I kind of like it here.

Ross: I'm so glad you guys are here. I'm dying to tell you what happened in the paleontology department today.
Joey: Do you think he saw us, or can we still slip out?

Ross: Professor Newman, the head of the department, is retiring, so-
Rachel: They made you head of the department.
Ross: No, I get to teach one of his advanced class. Why didn't I get head of the department?

Joey: Hey, Rach, I got a big date. Do you know a good restaurant?
Rachel: Paul's Cafe. It's got great food and it's really romantic.
Joey: Great, thanks.
Rachel: Then take her to the Four Seasons for drinks. Or go downtown and listen to some jazz.
Or dancing. Oh, take her dancing.
Joey: You sure are naming a lot of ways to postpone sex, I tell you.