Rachel: Wow. I mean, I just can't believe this. I mean, you think you know someone. Even Phoebe, who's always been somewhat of a question mark.

Phoebe: Hey. What's up? Oh, my God! What am I doing?!

Phoebe: It's Phoebe, "Phoebe!"
Ursula: Hey.
Phoebe: Oh, God. So you're making porn movies.
Ursula: No, I'm not.
Director: We're still rolling.
Phoebe: You're making one right now.
Director: Let's go, Phoebe.
Phoebe: And you're using my name.
Ursula: Yeah, can I help you with something?
Director: Phoebe, come on.
Phoebe: Look, I'm talking right now. Oh, you mean her.
Ursula: You know, twin stuff is always a real big seller.
Phoebe: What?
Ursula: Yeah, I could talk them into giving you, like, thirty dollars.
Phoebe: No! No way. No. And stop using my name. And shame on you. And shame on all of you. You're disgusting. Especially you, with that.

Rachel: What is my sister doing there, and why are the drapes shut?
Ross: Okay. Rach, calm down, okay? She's really upset. We're just talking.
Rachel: Ross, I think she's trying to make something happen with you to get back at me.
Ross: Oh, so that's the only reason she could be here, huh? It couldn't have anything to do with the fact that maybe I'm a good listener and I put on a great slide show?

Monica: I've got it. I have got it. Pictures from your childhood. This'll get you going good.
Phoebe: All right, what's going on there?
Chandler: That's parents' Day. First grade. That's me with the janitor, Martin.
Monica: Where are your parents?
Chandler: Oh, they didn't want to come.
Phoebe: Oh, Chandler!
Monica: Poor thing.
Phoebe: That story doesn't make you cry?
Chandler: No. Look, I don't cry. It's not a big deal, okay?
Joey: No. It's not okay. It's not okay at all. You're dead inside.

Phoebe: Joey, listen. Take good care of that guy. He's a fan. Bye.
Joey: So you saw me on Days of Our Lives, huh? You want me to do a little Doctor Drake Ramoray for you?
Guy: I have no idea what you're talking about. But I just got Phoebe Buffay's autograph.
Joey: Oh. You're Phoebe's fan.
Guy: Oh, yeah. I've seen all her movies.
Joey: Movies?
Guy: That was Phoebe Buffay, the porn star.
Joey: I don't think so.
Guy: No, no. It was. She was in Sex Toy Story Two, Lawrence of a Labia. And I got her autograph. The guys at the comic book store aren't going to believe this.

Joey: Gunther? Hey, don't let that guy in here anymore. He just said Phoebe's a porn star.
Gunther: Well, I wouldn't call her a star, but she's really good. You should check out lnspect Her Gadget.

Joey: Oh. Uh, hey, Rach. I was just coming over here to ... Oh, wait, I don't have to lie to you, you don't live here anymore. I'm eating their food.

Rachel: Ross is on a date with my sister. They shut the drapes two hours ago.
Joey: Whoa, I didn't know we could date your sister.

Monica: Are the drapes still closed, honey?
Rachel: Yeah. And you know who should've shut their drapes, is that perverted old couple two doors over.
Chandler: Is that a swing?
Rachel: Oh, don't even ask.
Chandler: Yuck.