Joey: Chandler, what are you still doing here? I thought you guys took off.
Chandler: Oh, no, she took off with my clothes!
Joey: Are you naked in there?
Chandler: Well, not exactly. I'm wearing panties.
Joey: You always wear panties?
Chandler: No, no. This is the first time.
Joey: Wow. Talk about your bad luck! I mean the first time you try panties and someone walks off with your clothes.

Chandler: One of you give me your underpants.
Ross: Oh, no. No, no.
Joey: I can't help you. I'm not wearing any.
Chandler: How can you not be wearing any underwear?
Joey: Oh, I'm getting heat from the guy in the hot pink thong.

Chandler: Hey, Pheebs, can I have the milk after you?
Phoebe: I'm almost done with it. Keep your panties on.

Rachel: That is so unfair.
Phoebe: I know. Like you'd drink her coffee after what you did to her with Van Damme?

Chandler: Hey, stick a fork in me I am done.
Phoebe: Stick a fork what?
Chandler: Like when you're cooking a steak.
Phoebe: Oh, okay. I don't eat meat.
Chandler: Well then how do you know when vegetables are done?
Phoebe: Well, you don't. You eat them and you can tell.
Chandler: Okay, then eat me, I'm done.

Chandler: I've met the perfect woman. We were sitting on her couch, fooling around and then she turns to me and says: "Did you ever want to do it in an elevator?"
Monica: What did you say?
Chandler: I believe my exact words were [indistinct speaking].
Chandler: I mean, I didn't know what to say. How do you know if you wanna do it on an elevator?
Phoebe: Oh, you just know.

Susie: How you doing there, squirmy?
Chandler: I'm hanging in. And a little out.

Susie: Excuse me. Is your name Chandler?
Chandler: Yes, it is.
Susie: Chandler Bing.
Chandler: Do you know me or are you just really good at this game?

Ross: I don't get it. He seemed so happy to see me yesterday.
Monkey Trainer: Don't take it personal. He's under pressure, starring in a movie and all.
Rachel: Now, just how big of a star is Marcel?
Monkey Trainer: In human terms? I'd say Cybill Shepherd.
Rachel: Whoa.

Susie: It's nice to see you don't still wear that denim cap with all the mirrors on it.
Chandler: Oh, well, I graduated fourth grade and realized I wasn't a pimp.