Ross: Hey, Pheebs. How's that vegetarian pizza working out for you? You and those vegetables have a real thing going on, huh?
Phoebe: Why are you being weird?
Ross: Do you like it?
Phoebe: No. That would be, "Why are you being cute?"
Ross: Okay. I'm working on my flirting.
Phoebe: Oh. I did not get that.

Joey: Hey, Ross. Check it out. Sandy taught me "Hot Cross Buns".
Ross: Really? It sounded like "Three Blind Mice".
Joey: No. "Three Blind Mice" goes like this.
Ross: I swear to God.

Chandler: So now that you're in, what are you gonna do if we win?
Ross: I don't know. I'll probably just invest it.
Chandler: Ooh, calm down.
Joey: Seriously, that's your fantasy? To invest it?
Ross: Oh, I'm sorry. Did I say, "invest it"? I meant, "Be cool and piss it all away."

Ross: You know what the best part about this is? I can never be fired.
Phoebe: Oh, God.
Ross: No seriously. I have job security for life, you know. I mean I never have to worry.
[Rachel tears up]
Ross: Oh. Oh, look at you. Look how happy you are for me.
Rachel: No, it's not that. I got fired today and I didn't get the other job.
Ross: Rachel, I'm so sorry.
Rachel: Oh.
Ross: Great. I feel like an idiot.
Rachel: No, it's okay. You didn't know.
Ross: A little heads-up would've been nice.

Rachel: Ross, what is taking you so long?
Ross: I'm sorry. It's almost as if this wasn't built for quick getaway.

Mark: Rachel?
Rachel: Mark? Oh, my God.
Mark: How have you been?
Rachel: I'm fantastic. You remember Ross?
Mark: Sure, sure. What's with the chair?
Ross: Uh, you know, you can't always get a seat on the subway so...

Phoebe: You know what I don't get? How guys can do so many mean things and not even care.
Ross: Multiple orgasms!
Chandler: There you go.

Joey: Ross, I'm telling you, she has no idea what you're thinking. And if you don't ask her out soon, you're going to end up stuck in the zone forever.
Ross: I will, I will. See, I'm waiting for the right moment. What? What, now?
Joey: Yeah. What's messing you up? The wine? The candles? The moonlight? You just gotta go up to her and say, " Look, Rachel, l"-
Ross: Shh. Shh. Shh.
Rachel: Ooh, what are shushing?
Ross: We're shushing because we're trying to hear something.
Rachel: What? What?
Ross: Don't you hear that? [silence]
Rachel: Ah!
Ross: See?

Ross: Oh, I can't wait for you to meet my friends.
Julie: Really, you don't think they'll judge and ridicule me?
Ross: Oh, no, they will. I just-
Julie: Can't wait!
Ross: Can't wait. Come on, they're gonna love you.

Ross: I just wanted to thank you for our little talk before.
Rachel: Oh, God, no problem. So you're gonna go with the waiting thing?
Ross: Well, I was going to, but after I talked to you, I talked to Joey.
Rachel: Good. Ahem. What did he say?
Ross: Basically, he told me to get over myself and just do it. So I thought about what you said and about what he said. And, well, his way, I get to have sex tonight.