Phoebe: Gunther, can I get a scone?
Gunther: Do you want anything?
Joey: You know what I want? I want a lot of things. I wanna be with the woman I love on Valentine's Day! And I want her to love me back. And I want just one moment of relief from the gut-wrenching pain of knowing that's never going to happen!
Gunther: We have red bagels.
Joey: Okay.

Joey: So how's it going living over at Ross's?
Rachel: It's good, except he makes us watch the Discovery Channel all day long. Did you know that something really boring happened to someone really ugly in the Middle Ages?

Phoebe: It's a video of my friend giving birth. Could you just bring it back to your apartment?
Ross: "Candy and Cookie"?
Phoebe: Yeah, Candy's the mom, Cookie's the daughter. The father's name is also Cookie. Why am I friends with these people?