Chandler: Well, that I can see crying over, but Bambi is a cartoon.
Joey: You didn't cry when Bambi's mother died?
Chandler: Yes, it was very sad when the guy stopped drawing the deer.

Phoebe: So I just came from the company Ursula works for.
Joey: Oh, no, not you too?
Phoebe: No, no. I just went to get Phoebe Buffay's checks. There were a lot of them.
Joey: Nice.
Phoebe: And I won't have to go back there anymore, because I gave them my "correct address."
Joey: That's great, but isn't it going to bother you that people still think you're a porn star?
Phoebe: Oh, no, I know how to handle it.
Joey: Good.
Phoebe: Yeah. [to a random guy] You trying to figure out where you know me from? All right, I'll give you a hint. From porn! Yeah, your pervert boyfriend watched me in a porno movie! [to Joey] See?
Joey: Yeah.

Chandler: Come on, I mean, we get married, I'm up at the altar and I'm like this [blank stare].
Monica: I won't care. Because I know that you'll be feeling it all in here.
Chandler: Yeah?
Monica: Yeah. And if we have a baby one day, and the doctor hands it to you in the delivery room, and you don't cry, so what? And If we take him to college and we come home, and we see his empty room for the first time, and you got nothing? It won't matter to me.
Chandler: Okay. Well, I won't worry about this anymore then.
Monica: And then, you know, if I die, from a long illness, and you're writing out my eulogy. And you open the desk drawer and you find a note from me that says: "I will always be with you", and you still can't shed one tiny tear? I know you'll be crying a river inside.
Chandler: I love you.
Monica: What is wrong with you?!
Chandler: What?
Monica: What? You can't shed a tear for your dead wife? I left you a note from the beyond!
Chandler: So you didn't mean any of that?
Monica: No, you robot!