Phoebe: [playing guitar and singing] Went to the store, Sat on Santa's lap, Asked him to bring my friends, All kinds of crap, Said all you need is, To write them a song, Now you haven't heard it yet, So don't try to sing along, No, don't sing along, Monica, Monica Have a happy Hannukah, Saw Santa Claus, He said hello to Ross, And please tell Joey, Christmas will be snowy, And Rachel and Chandler, [indistinct] Happy holidays, everybody!

Ross: I'm the Holiday Armadillo! I'm a friend of Santa's and he sent me here to wish you a merry Christmas.
Monica: What happened to Santa, Holiday Armadillo?
Ross: Santa was unavailable so close to Christmas.
Monica: Well, come in, have a seat. You must be exhausted, coming all the way from Texas.
Ben: Texas?
Ross: That's right, Ben. I'm Santa's representative for all the Southern states. And Mexico!

Joey: I can't believe it's Christmas already. You know, one day you're eating turkey, the next thing you know your Iords are a-leaping and geese are a-laying.
Chandler: Which is why geese are so relaxed this time of year.

Rachel: Nice seizing, gel boy.

Phoebe: Gram? Can I see the pictures of my dad again?
Frances: Oh, sure, sure. How come?
Phoebe: Just, you know, to see him.
Frances: Oh, sure. Here. This is the one of your father in a meadow. And, uh, helping a little boy fly a kite. And here he is at a graduation. Another graduation. Another graduation.
Phoebe: Okay, is this really my father?
Frances: Is it really your fa-? Well, of course it is.
Phoebe: I smell smoke. Maybe because someone's pants are on fire!