Jack Geller: I was just thinking when my time comes-
Monica: Dad.
Jack Geller: Listen to me. When my time comes, I wanna be buried at sea.
Monica: You what?
Jack Geller: I wanna be buried at sea. It looks like fun.
Monica: Define "fun."
Jack Geller: Come on. You'll make a day of it. You'll get a boat, pack a lunch.
Monica: And then we throw your body in the water. Gee, that does sound fun.
Jack Geller: Everyone thinks they know me. Everyone says "Jack Geller, so predictable." Maybe after I'm gone, they'll say, "Buried at sea? Huh."
Monica: That's probably what they'll say.
Jack Geller: I'd like that.

Judy Geller: No, I'd be hearing about why didn't I get the honey-glazed ham. Or I didn't spend enough on flowers. Or if I'd spent more, she'd say: "Why are you wasting your money? I don't need flowers, l'm dead. "
Monica: That sounds like Nana.
Judy Geller: Do you know what it's like to grow up with someone who is critical of every single thing you say?
Monica: I can imagine.
Judy Geller: I'm telling you. It's a wonder your mother turned out to be the positive, life-affirming person she is.
Monica: That is a wonder.

Shelly: Question: You're not dating anyone are you? Because I met somebody who would be perfect for you.
Chandler: You see, perfect might be a problem. Had you said codependent or self-destructive...
Shelly: Do you want a date Saturday?
Chandler: Yes, please.
Shelly: He is cute. He's funny. He's-
Chandler: He's a he?
Shelly: Well, yeah. Oh, God! I just- I thought- You're nice. Oh, God. Good, Shelly. I'm gonna flush myself down the toilet now. Okay. Bye-bye.