Judy Geller: Well, we'd better get going. It's late. Jack's not allowed to drive at night any more. He has trouble staying in his lane.
Jack Geller: Last winter, I went up on a church lawn and drove right through a manger scene. The papers thought it was a hate crime.

Jack Geller: I can't believe Emma's already one.
Judy Geller: I remember your first birthday. Ross was jealous of all the attention we were giving you. He pulled on his testicles so hard we had to take him to the emergency room.
Ross: There's something you didn't know about your dad.

Judy Geller: Hello, Emma. Happy 18th birthday.
Jack Geller: Right now, that seems so far away. Seventeen years.
Judy Geller: Yes. You'll be all grown up by then, and we'll be- Well, your grandfather and I might not be here.
Jack Geller: That's true. This message could be coming to you from beyond the grave, Emma.
Judy Geller: After all, my parents died very young.
Jack Geller: And my cholesterol's off the charts.
Judy Geller: Remember, Emma, heart disease kills women too.