Chandler: What we did last night was-
Monica: Stupid.
Chandler: Totally crazy, stupid.
Monica: What were we thinking?
Chandler: I'm coming over tonight though, right?
Monica: Oh, yeah, definitely.

Rachel: That was so awesome. You totally got him back for calling you fat. He was just drooling all over you. That must have felt so great.
Monica: Well, it didn't.
Rachel: What?
Monica: Yeah, I mean, I look great. And yeah, I feel great, and my heart's not in trouble anymore, blah, blah, blah.

Monica: So what should we do?
Chandler: I don't know. I know I love you.
Monica: I know I love you.

Rachel: All right. Believe me, if you win the lottery it's the last you're gonna hear from us.
Monica: Fine. Don't be my friends. I'll buy new friends. Yeah, and then I'll pay for their plastic surgery so they look just like you.

Rachel: Great. People having sex. That's just what I need to see.
Ross: What's wrong with people having sex?
Rachel: Well, you know, these movies are offensive and degrading to women and females. And the lighting's always unflattering. And- Monica, help me out here.
Monica: Hell, I want to see Joey.

Monica: My gosh, you must be freezing. You know what you need? How about a nice, steaming cup of hot Mockolate?

Ross: That commercial always makes me so sad.
Joey: Yeah, but then the guy opens his beer and girls run at him so everything works out okay.
Ross: I meant because of the monkey and it reminds me of Marcel.
Phoebe: I can see that. Yeah, because they both have those big brown eyes and the little pouty chin.
Monica: And the fact that they're both monkeys?

Monica: Before I tell you, you tell me how many women you've been with.
Richard: Two.
Monica: Two? Two? How is that possible? I mean have you seen you?

Joey: Hey, I need to borrow some moisturizer.
Monica: For what?
Joey: What do you think? Today's the big day!
Monica: God. Go in the bathroom. Use whatever you want. Just don't ever tell me what you did in there.

Monica: Why? Because everything's my responsibility? Isn't it enough that l'm making dinner? Everyone wants a different kind of potato, so I'm making different kinds of potatoes. Does anybody care what kind of potatoes I want? No! No! No! You know, just as long as Phoebe gets her peas and onions, and Mario gets his tots. It's my first Thanksgiving, and I- It's all burnt, and I can't. [high-pitched wailing]
Chandler: Hey, Monica, only dogs can hear you now.