Officer Goodbody: Okay, ladies, can I have your attention, please?
Phoebe: Oh, yeah.
Officer Goodbody: Did someone call for the long arm of the law? I should warn you, I have a concealed weapon. I hope you're familiar with this state's penal code. Okay, okay. Enough teasing. Now for some pleasing. Whoa, whoa, whoa. She cringed.
Phoebe: This is how I look when I'm turned-on.
Officer Goodbody: You were talking about me before. Look, I don't need this.
I'm out of here. Where's my hat? Look, I've been in this business for a long time.
Phoebe: Shocking.
Officer Goodbody: Now, if you'll just pay me my $300, I'll be on my way.
Phoebe: $300? Are you kidding?
Rachel: No, that's okay. Just let me get my checkbook.
Phoebe: No, you're not gonna pay him. He didn't do anything.
Officer Goodbody: Didn't do anything? I took a bus all the way from Hoboken. I climbed, I don't know, like, a billion stairs. And it's not like I can take them two at a time.
Phoebe: I don't care. We're not paying you $300 for this.
Officer Goodbody: Well, it's not my fault if you're too uptight to appreciate the male form in all its glory.
Phoebe: Oh, yeah. Okay, I'm uptight. That's why I don't wanna watch a middle-aged guy dance around in what I can only assume is a child's Halloween costume.
Officer Goodbody: I may have borrowed this from my nephew but let me assure you, what's underneath is all man.
Phoebe: I'm sorry, did you say "all man" or "old man"?
Officer Goodbody: You're mean.
Monica: Look, officer- Sir?
Officer Goodbody: Damn it. Big surprise. The hunk of beef has feelings.