Frasier: Dad, I'm sorry. There was no luck at the pound. They said they'd call if they find a dog matching Eddie's description. [Seeing a flyer by the phone] A five hundred dollar reward for Eddie?! [Martin glares at him.] Are you sure it's enough?
Martin: Right now it's about five hundred more than I'd pay to get you back.

Niles: [on the car phone] I'm out here in the middle of the park and I'm lost! Thank God for my cellular!
Martin: Did you see Eddie?
Niles: No, but I thought I saw a raccoon. When I stopped running, I had no idea where I was. You've got to help me!
Frasier: All right, all right. Niles, just, just remain calm. Let me think back to my Boy Scout training. All right, now, we're on the northeast corner of the park. All right, look into the heavens and see if you can spot the North Star. Then you want to turn twelve degrees to your right.
Martin: Oh, for God's sake, just walk towards the horn. [honking]
Niles: I hear it. I hear it, Dad. I'm walking.
Martin: All right, just keep following it. [honks again]
Niles: I see a grove of trees, and a fountain, and... a horrible, wretched, hunchbacked old man! Stay away from me! No, no, it was just a bush. OK, OK, things are beginning to look familiar now. Keep honking. I think I'm homing in. Yes, I'm quite sure this is the way.
[Niles climbs into the back seat, still talking into his phone.]
Niles: OK, you can hang up now. [hangs his up] That was a harrowing experience!
Martin: Yeah, a shrub and a raccoon in one night and you lived to tell about it.

Martin: Look, it wasn't just Eddie I was mad about. Eddie was the straw that broke the camel's back. Seems like I'm always being told to take my feet off the furniture, put a coaster under my beer, turn the TV down. I used to make the rules, and now I have to follow them. This makin' any sense to you?
Frasier: From a psychological standpoint, it makes perfect sense. Slowly, over the years, your responsibilities have been taken away from you. And you, well, you feel symbolically castrated.
Martin: Oh, why does everything with you shrinks start in the crotch?

Daphne: I didn't reject them, the dog did. Canines have a very keen sense of who's a nice person and who isn't. Why, many's the time I've chosen a man based solely on the way me mum's springer spaniel took to them.
Frasier: Oh, Daphne, that is preposterous. Letting a dog choose your dates?
[Niles dabs pate behind his ears]
Daphne: It's true! If a dog likes a man, it's a good bet he's warm and sensitive.
Niles: You know, I really didn't get a good look at this little tyke. Come here, boy, come to your Uncle Niles. [The puppy starts licking Niles behind the ear]
Daphne: Look at that! He's taken quite a shine to you.
Niles: Yes, happens all the time.

Frasier: Hello, Eddie. [pets him] Good dog. Oh, wet dog!
Martin: Yeah, you're shivering! [grabs some clothing from the back seat] Here, we gotta get you warmed up!
Frasier: Dad! That's a hundred percent cashmere pull-over! [Martin glares at him] It's meant to be worn with the collar up.

Frasier: Oh, hello, Niles. Come on in.
Niles: Hope you don't mind my stopping by, but Maris is hosting the Women's League Senior yoga group and... Well, old money in body stockings. [grimaces]
Frasier: Say no more. You're welcome to hide out here.

Frasier: What were you thinking, letting him run free in the park? Haven't you ever seen the way he tries to romance my towel warmer?

Frasier: Dad. Dad, listen, I want your assurance that you'll take care of this.
Martin: Fine.
Frasier: You promise?
Martin: Hey! I said I'd do it and I will. You don't have to pin a note to my sweater, get off my back! Anybody wants me, I'll be down at Duke's. [He leaves.]
Niles: Ever notice how much faster he moves when he's wrong?

Niles: Now Eddie, it's a routine operation. They say it's almost painless, [to Frasier] although I can't imagine...

Frasier: What are you staring at? You know why you're here, don't you? Well now, listen, it's for your own good. Believe me you'll be much happier afterwards. Look, your day-to-day routine, it'll be exactly the same. You'll be able to sleep, run around with your little buddies, go play in the woods, chase the birds, lick your... did I mention sleep?