Frasier: It's just that, well, I feel I may be more recognizable if the forehead were a tad smaller.
Stefano: So, you don't like it?
Frasier: It's not that.
Stefano: It's not good enough for you?
Frasier: Yes, it is.
Stefano: Do you want me to have it changed?
Frasier: Could you?

Frasier: I don't believe this. I've waited my entire life to have my picture on this wall. Now that it is, it's unrecognizable. Well, not for long.
Niles: No, Frasier, you are not going to ask him to change it again.
Frasier: Niles...
Niles: If this means so much to you, my girlfriend's a plastic surgeon, she can have you looking like this picture in six procedures or less.

Girl: Hey, no cuts.
Frasier: I need a picture right away.
Girl: I'll tell.
Frasier: Do you know who this is? This is the birthday girl. If she wants a picture right away, she's going to get a picture right away, now why don't you just run along?
Frasier: All right, I think you're finished. [handing the girl the drawing] There you are.
Girl #2: But I don't have any eyes.
Frasier: Yes, well, neither did Little Orphan Annie, and she's got her own Broadway show. Now go on, shoo.

Frasier: Oh, Niles.
Niles: Where the hell have you been? Stefano's been trying to place me for the last forty minutes. Was I ever in Panama? Did I sell him his first Lincoln? Do I have a box at the dog track?
Frasier: Why didn't you just say yes and let that be the end of it?
Niles: Oh, that's a good idea.

Mama: What is this? The pictures?
Frasier: It's nothing. It's no business of yours. Off you go.
Mama: Stefano! Stefano!
Frasier: Ssh.
Stefano: Mama, what is it? [speaks Italian]
Mama: [speaks Italian, points to pictures]
Stefano: Dr. Crane, what is this?
Frasier: Oh, all right. I may as well just tell you the truth. The fact is, I don't really care for this picture either. It's just that I'm afraid your artist has lost his touch. To be honest, I think he's robbing you blind. I mean, my God, how much is this hack charging you?
[Mama starts crying]
Frasier: Mama's the hack, isn't she?
[Stefano explodes, shouting at Frasier in Italian and signalling for him to leave]

Frasier: Well, suffice it to say, the entire Crane family is now banned from Stefano's.
Martin: Just because of that dumb picture?
Frasier: No, no. Actually, there was a little incident involving Niles, too. He was doing just fine until Stefano took him in some sort of a bear hug and shook him a little too vigorously.
Martin: On the shoes again?
Frasier: No, this time there was a conveniently placed lobster tank.
Martin: Poor Niles.
Frasier: Yeah, it wasn't any picnic for the lobsters either.

Frasier: What the hell is wrong with me, Dad? You know, I became so obsessed with that damn picture I completely lost my head.
Martin: Well, I think I know what's really going on here.
Frasier: Really? Well, enlighten us.
Martin: Well, I think there's some stuff in your life that you can't control. Your doctor tells you you're getting old, your ratings are low, you're not happy with your love life. And so I think you obsessed about this picture because you figured it was something in your life that you could control.
Frasier: Well, Dad, you do raise a point. Oh, what the hell, you're dead on. Where did you learn so much about psychology?
Martin: Oh, I listen to radio.

Frasier: What the hell was that?
Martin: I don't know, what did she mean about that big round duff comment?
Frasier: Now, Dad.
Martin: You know, the sands of time don't exactly flow up the hourglass. It's not easy for a guy our age.
Frasier: Dad, for the last time, we are not the same age.
Martin: I've seen your hips start to spread a little bit.

Niles: Frasier, I hate to burst your bubble, but that picture looks absolutely nothing like you.
Frasier: Well, well, I was wondering when Mr. Envy would pull up a chair. [Kenny passes by] Oh, Kenny. Kenny, if I may, can I direct your attention to this caricature?
Kenny: Wow, look at that. I am impressed.
Frasier: I thought you might be.
Kenny: James Garner eats here?

Frasier: Hello, Kenny.
Kenny: So, what are you celebrating? Not your ratings, huh. I'm kidding, you've gotta kid. If you don't laugh, you cry, right?