Woody: That wasn't the best prank we played. You remember that time with Mr. Clavin?
Frasier: Oh, yes. And the ferret!
Woody: He was about to go on his round and we shoved an angry ferret into his mailbag.
Niles: Oh. Oh, my. Exactly, uh, how do you make a ferret angry?
Woody: Well, for starters, you shove him into a mailbag.
Frasier: God, that was funny. Do you remember the expression on his face?
Woody: Oh, no, I never saw his face. I was too busy looking at Mr. Clavin.

Frasier: You know what, Woody? There's a new gourmet Mexican restaurant over near your hotel I'd love to try. It's called "Dos Burros." It sounds muy delicioso.
Woody: I didn't know you speak Spanish.
Frasier: Oh, it's nothing.
Woody: I know ahh, "dos" means two, what does "burro" mean?
Frasier: Oh, same as in English, Jackass.
Woody: Sorry, just asking.

Roz: I had a babysitter tonight, my plans fell through, karaoke might be fun.
Gil: [entering] Karaoke? Tonight? Oh, I'd love to.
Frasier: Well Gil, I'm not sure you'd enjoy this.
Gil: Oh nonsense. If we're going to the one on Pike, I keep a locker there where I store my own microphone and show jackets.

Frasier: And after that, we'll go by that pricey new cigar club, it's my treat.
Niles: Well hey, big spender.
Frasier: [cringing] Oh.
Niles: Is everything all right?
Frasier: The last time I heard that phrase, Gil was belting it out while sitting on the lap of a Japanese businessman. Let's get that margarita.

Frasier: Woody. Come out of there, please.
Woody: No hablo ingles.
Frasier: I don't understand this.
Woody: It means I don't speak English.
Frasier: Will you just come out here? [Woody comes out] Woody? What is going on?
Woody: I can't even look at you. I'm so ashamed. I... I lied to you, Dr. Crane.
Frasier: Why did you do that?
Woody: Well, I guess I didn't want you to know it was me in the bathroom.

Frasier: No, Woody. Earlier this evening you told me you were going back to Boston.
Woody: Oh, well. I feel terrible saying this but, I just couldn't face another day of us hanging out together.
Frasier: What, you weren't enjoying our time together?
Woody: No, I... I had a great time that first night, but after that, I don't know, you were still having a good time, but, uh, it was less and less fun for me.
Frasier: [laughing] Oh. This is too funny.
Woody: See, you're still having a good time and I'm miserable.

Frasier: Why didn't you say something?
Woody: Well, I don't know, I didn't want to hurt your feelings. To tell you the truth, I felt kinda bad for ya.
Frasier: You felt bad for me?
Woody: Well no offense, but look at your life. You live with your dad, you hang out with your brother [Niles waves], you have no plans. And let's face it, those karaoke friends of yours, I wouldn't want to be stranded on a desert island with them. Well, maybe that English guy, he's a good entertainer.

Frasier: Really, Woody, there's nothing to worry about. I know my life may seem rather dreary to you but, it's really quite enjoyable. In fact, it's even a lot of fun. I love my life now, honestly. You know what, I wouldn't trade my years at Cheers for anything, but I am very happy with my life the way it is today.
Woody: You mean it?
Frasier: Yes. That's what makes this conversation so ironic. You see, you see my life as some sort of middle-aged compromise and, well just the other day I was thinking about your life. And all I could think was...
Woody: What?
Frasier: ... How lucky you are. You see, you've found where you belong and you've made your home there. I guess for some of us it just takes longer than others.

Woody: You know, I meant what I said. I had a great time hanging out with you. That first night.
Frasier: Yeah.
Woody: Maybe we could do it again, in five or ten years.
Frasier: Absolutely. Ten years it is.

Frasier: Woody, let me get you another cold one.
Woody: Oh, thanks.
Frasier: My god. I tell ya, this has just been the best evening. My God, it's like re-living all my old days at Cheers, only without Lilith. Boy, that's a trip to bountiful, let me tell ya.