Frasier: That's delightful, Dad.
Martin: Where's Daphne?
Niles: Uh, my honey bunny has the flu.
Martin: Oh, that's too bad. Probably got it standing in front of an open refrigerator.

Niles: 'Course, I'm still envious that you got to see him.
Frasier: Oh, you wouldn't be if you'd been at that convention, Niles. To see the man who defined Hamlet reduced to hawking T-shirts and sci-fi googaws.

Niles: Oh, I just came from the box office. Ticket sales are going at quite a brisk pace.
Frasier: Oh, I'm not surprised. I've got half the station coming.
Niles: Well, I've got a whole group coming from the wine club.
Frasier: Yes, you know, Niles, we've really done a good job of getting the word out. That's why we get to be producers.

Niles: The way things are going, we expect a sell-out.
Frasier: One week from today, you'll be looking out on a packed house.
Jackson: Really? Do you know, the one thing that I-I don't miss about performing live, it's-it's the jitters. It's
the dry heaves. Maybe this wasn't the best idea.
Frasier: No, sir, please, please. The theater is your true destiny. It courses through your veins. It fills your lungs. This... is your stage. Welcome home.
Jackson: And you said you'd never produced before.

Frasier: Well, we'll have to look at these later, Dad. That'll be Niles. He's here to discuss our show.
Martin: You want a show? Well, take a tip from me, Mr. Producer, one alligator, one chicken, one satisfied audience.

Jackson: Hello, lads.
Frasier: Please come in, Mr. Hedley.
Jackson: Ah, you must be the Crane pater. It is a pleasure to encounter the headwaters whence spring these twin rivers upon which I have launched my humble craft.
Martin: Likewise. [leaving] I'm telling you, one gator, one chicken.

Jackson: Oh, I see my producers have long faces. I think I know why.
Frasier: You do?
Jackson: Well, it's obvious, isn't it?
Frasier: It is to us.
Jackson: Well, your worries are at an end. I fired the director. The man's a clod. I mean, not even the stagehands follow his directions. He shouts at them and they pretend not to hear.

Niles: Well, the marshal will be here as quickly as he can. There's a five-alarmer in the paper district.
Frasier: Just our luck!

Frasier: Mr. Hedley, I'm afraid we have some bad news.
Niles: It's about your father. It seems his plane is going to be late.
Jackson: What, you mean my father won't make it for the show?
Frasier: We know this must be devastating to you-
Jackson: On the contrary. For once, my performance won't be inhibited by that judgmental nitpicker. Tonight I can really cut loose. Those seats in the very back row will be rattling.
Frasier: That is good news.

Frasier: Mr. Hedley, I'm afraid we have some bad news-
Fire Marshal: Hey, you're Tobor!
Jackson: Oh, correct.
Fire Marshal: I used to watch your show all the time. I even have that old Playboy when Space Princess Alexa did that spread.
Jackson: Oh, the one on the lava rocks? Yes, I've got that one, too.
Fire Marshal: I didn't know he was the one performing tonight. I'll let you guys stay open, on one condition: I get to watch the show.
Frasier: We're out of seats.
Fire Marshal: It's okay. I'll sit in the aisle.