Niles: Well, Dad, it took Italian artisans three weeks to stain my Venetian umbrella stand and it took Eddie about twenty seconds.

Frasier: Roz, trust me, you will eventually get over Luke.
Roz: Well, he's not having any trouble getting over me. I saw him leaving his boat last night with someone.
Frasier: Really? Did you, uh, get a good look at them?
Roz: Only from behind. Some fat chick.
Frasier: Fat? Well, it was kind of cold out last night, there may have been layers involved.
Roz: Yeah, layers of fat.

Frasier: I have a little something for you.
Roz: For me? Oh, what's the occasion?
Frasier: Oh, why do I need an occasion, Roz? I'm just trying to show a good friend that I'm thinking of her in her time of crisis.
Roz: Oh, Frasier, I don't deserve your friendship.
Frasier: No, I do not deserve your friendship.
Niles: I deserve my own table, excuse me.

Roz: Luke, it's Roz again. Bad news...
Frasier: [as Niles walks by] Oh, Niles, listen, as it turns out I am available for that concert tonight-
Niles: No, you're not.

Luke: [o.s.] You have the most incredible eyes.
Roz: That bastard. He told me I had the most incredible eyes.

Luke: [o.s.] Oh, writing a book. But I'm having a little trouble... maybe you could be my inspiration.
Frasier: That bastard. He told me I was his inspiration.

Frasier: So, Luke, you're a boat enthusiast?
Luke: You know anything about boats?
Frasier: Well actually, on my show I sometimes compare the human psyche to a sailboat that's borne along the surface of the conscious mind, while the deeper waters of the subconscious navigate the rudder.
Luke: So I guess the answer would be "no."
Frasier: Yes.

Frasier: You know, uh, actually I'm-I'm not a total stranger to the old H20. I did row crew at Harvard.
Luke: I went to Harvard.
Frasier: Ah, Harvard. Mmm, God, those were the best years of my life. You know, there's nothing quite like that sense of accomplishment you get when they actually hand you that diploma, is there?
Luke: I dropped out.
Frasier: Well, you didn't miss much.

Luke: I just got frustrated reading about other people's experiences and never having any of my own. So I dropped out, I built my own boat, and sailed around the world. Yeah, sometimes there's more adventure than I bargained for. Like, uh, twenty-foot seas off the Hebrides, or the time pirates rammed my boat and robbed me at gunpoint.
Frasier: Oh yeah, those guys can be pretty rough.
Luke: Oh, you've had experience with pirates?
Frasier: No. I, uh, saw a special once on "60 Minutes."

Roz: I have to go. Alice got a bead stuck up her nose. There's got to be some way to baby-proof her nostrils.