‘The Late Dr. Crane’
Season 7, Episode 8 - Aired November 18, 1999
When Frasier visits the emergency room with a minor injury, a man uses his name to jump the line and has a fatal heart attack. After the media reports that Frasier has died, he starts to take another look at his life.
Quote from Niles
Clerk: Found '98.
Niles: Actually, that's all been settled. [picks up photo on desk] Can you tell me- Do you know, is that her husband?
Clerk: No, she's divorced. That's her son.
Niles: Really? Dr. Karnofsky's so young, she must have had him when she was a child.
Clerk: ... Okay.
Quote from Niles
Daphne: Hello, Dr. Crane.
Niles: Hello, Daphne. I was on my way home, I thought I'd see how the patient was doing.
Frasier: Oh, I'm fine, thank you, Niles.
Niles: You have no idea how guilty I'm feeling. [to Daphne] I suppose he told you it was my fist that struck in the inadvertent yet powerful blow.
Quote from Niles
Daphne: Dr. Crane, don't move.
Niles: Why?
Daphne: There's a mosquito.
Niles: Where?
Daphne: On your forehead.
Niles: Uh-oh! [brushes his forehead] Get off, get off.
Daphne: It's already gone.
Niles: Oh.
Daphne: Oh dear, looks like it bit you.
Niles: All right... Ow!
Frasier: Niles, wrinkle your forehead for me, will you?
Niles: Why would I do that?
Frasier: Just do it. Wrinkle your forehead.
[Niles tries, but nothing happens]
Niles: I'm not your marionette!
Frasier: You got a botox injection. You've got a forehead full of poison right now, don't you?
Niles: I do not!
Daphne: Oh, that's strange. The mosquito fell right out of the air, dead.
Quote from Frasier
Frasier: I can't believe you let Maris's witch doctor work her magic on you.
Niles: Mel is a perfectly lovely person. In fact, I was screwing my courage up to ask her on a date when she noticed this little flaw and I lost my nerve.
Frasier: Yes, and most of the feeling in your face as well.
Quote from Frasier
Daphne: Dr. Crane, look, your picture's on the news.
Frasier: Well, turn it up, Dad, turn it up.
Anchor: [on TV] After checking into the hospital with what appeared to be minor injuries from a fender-bender, radio psychiatrist Frasier Crane died suddenly today. I'm sure I speak for all of us here at KYOL when I say he'll be sorely missed. [cheering up] But this rain won't be missed, will it, Flip?
Frasier: Dear God!
Martin: What the hell?
Daphne: That's unbelievable!
Niles: [emotionless face] Outrageous!
Quote from Martin
Martin: Hey, Roz. Fras, did you seen this?
Frasier: Yes, as a matter of fact, I did. It's my obituary.
Roz: They printed it?
Frasier: Yes, they must have picked it up off the wire last night before the news ran that correction.
Martin: Jimmy gave it to me at McGinty's. Boy, everybody was so nice to me, buying me beers and everything. You know, because of the shock I went through thinking I'd lost my son.
Frasier: Dad, what are you talking about? You never thought I was dead.
Martin: Well, people don't have to know that. I mean, I could have been at home alone, wondering where you were and I get this strange uneasy feeling. So I turn on the TV and there it is on the screen: the face of my dead son.
Frasier: But I was sitting right beside you.
Martin: Well, what kinda story is that?
Frasier: It's the truth!
Martin: Well, the truth doesn't put anything on a coaster.
Quote from Roz
Roz: Well, that's something for your scrapbook, huh? Your own obituary.
Frasier: Yes, well... You know, frankly, it's-it's a little upsetting.
Roz: I don't think they meant to be insulting. You are "lovably pompous."
Quote from Niles
Frasier: You went to see Karnofsky again, didn't you?
Niles: Yes, I did. I was going to ask her out again, but I got all flustered when I caught her staring at this grotesque carbuncle.
Frasier: Carbuncle? You mean that miniscule mole of yours.
Niles: Well, to you. I've always been self-conscious about it. I've made many a hasty wine selection because I felt the sommelier staring down at it.
Quote from Frasier
Frasier: I guess I'm going to have to rethink my life's plan a bit.
Martin: Oh, you're gonna be doing all this stuff?
Frasier: Well, of course, Dad, why wouldn't I?
Martin: Oh, I don't know. It just seems all so complicated. And the first one you tried was kind of a bust.
Frasier: Yes, well. You know, I've just got to scale things back a little bit. Set my sights on more attainable goals. For instance, here: "Visit South America." That's in. "Discover the lost treasure of the Incas." That's out. "Take up rafting." That's in. "Retrace Lewis and Clarke's Route." That's out. And this perpetual motion stuff, all this can go.
Quote from Martin
Frasier: Well, she seems a bit much.
Martin: What do you mean?
Frasier: Well, you know, picking the restaurant, dining on the terrace, you have to know the owner. Doesn't she remind you of someone?
Martin: Yeah, you!