Wentworth: Cocktails, gentlemen?
Frasier: Oh, yes, I'd like two ounces of your best 18-year-old Lowland single malt scotch.
Mr. Drake: There's a discriminating choice.
Niles: Yes, my brother has an extensive knowledge of fine wines and spirits. Undoubtedly acquired during the years when he was shacked up with a barmaid.

Frasier: Thanks to that backstabber, I will never get to say the phrase I've been rehearsing for a lifetime: "If you need me, I'll be at my club."

Daphne: Oh, yes, the club. The club that I helped you get into. Of course, now that you're done with me, I'm just cast aside ... [dramatically] unappreciated, unloved, and forgotten.
Frasier: Yes well, I see the prosciutto isn't the only imported ham in the house.

Niles: And as for you, you've made it quite clear how you feel about me, so I'd like to share how I feel about you. I'd sooner spend my leisure time in a smelly bus station than spend one moment with you smug, elitist
bigwigs, with your clichéd oriental carpets and your overstuffed chairs - my God, it's like a baby's bottom! You can't reject me, because I reject you. Yes, I'm talking to you fuzzy. I prefer to remain Niles Crane, everyman. Friend of the average Joe.
Frasier: Niles, they got our names mixed up. I didn't get in, you did.
Niles: What?
Frasier: It was you they wanted all along.
Niles: Really? I'm in? [to Wentworth] Good God, don't just stand there, man, fetch me some port and step lively!

Frasier: Niles, come along. We don't need this club. Let us leave with the dignity with which we came.
Niles: There's been a misunderstanding. I do want to be one of you. Perhaps you could put me on probation...
I could just come part time. Or perhaps afternoons. Or just one afternoon. Thursday's a slow day. Or you can pick the day. I wouldn't even have to talk to anyone. I could just sit in a chair and not say a word. Please, please, please! Oh, let me stay, I belong here!

Frasier: So, how did this all come about?
Niles: Oh, really I give the credit to Maris. She spent five years carefully cultivating the right relationships until finally this week, fortune smiled upon us. Old Judge Clement suffered a massive stroke, and, lo, a vacancy opened up.
Frasier: Gives new meaning to the phrase, "a stroke of luck."

Frasier: After last night's behavior, I believe an apology is in order.
Niles: I agree. Well?
Frasier: "Well," what?
Niles: It's your turn. I apologized first last time.
Frasier: No, you didn't!
Niles: I did so! I distinctly remember. It was after that shouting match at the Monet exhibit. I had my secretary leave a heartfelt apology with your service.
Frasier: So you did. That means it is my turn again. Damn! ... I'm sorry.
Niles: Me, too.

Martin: Where you going?
Frasier: Down to the Empire Club. I've come to a moral decision. I'm going to insist that they give Niles my
membership.
Martin: Wow, that's a hell of a gesture.
Frasier: Yes, well, I put myself in Niles' place. After all, he's spent the last fifteen years diligently trying to climb Seattle's social ladder, then I waltz in and within two years I'm known throughout the city. To top it all off, I end up grabbing the prize he's wanted most of all. It just isn't fair.
Martin: You're a good kid, Frasier.
Frasier: Thank you, Dad. I might as well say this while I still can: "If anyone needs me... I'll be at my club."

Roz: We have Sid in Bremerton on three.
Frasier: Hello, Sid. I'm listening.
Sid: [haltingly] "Hello, Dr. Crane. I have a terrible fear of talking on the phone to people I do not know. I freeze up. It is a severe handicap in today's fast-paced, highly competitive world."
Frasier: Sid, are you reading what you're saying?
Sid: "Uh, [shuffling papers], yes, I am. The only way I can comfortably communicate on the phone is to write everything out I wish to say in advance."
Frasier: Well, what if someone asks you a question you haven't anticipated?
Sid: "Uh, [shuffling papers] Thank you, Dr. Crane, for your most insightful comment. G-Goodbye." [hangs up]
Frasier: Wait, Sid! Sid, if you're listening, your insecurity is rooted in your fear of making a mistake. In order to beat this thing, you're going to have to practice. If you work at it very hard. Then, one day, you too may achieve the command and confidence to which we all aspire to ... be having.

Roz: So my mom says, "how come you never bring your boyfriends out to meet me?" And I say, "Mom, the plane trip to Wisconsin takes four hours, and that's longer than most of my relationships last."