Lilith: Frasier, we have to talk.
Frasier: Yes, Lilith, we do.
Lilith: I mean, I can't just sit here all night waiting for you to make your move.
Frasier: Well, you've just got this all worked out, haven't you?
Lilith: Well, let's see. Candlelight, wine, soft music. What else do I need?
Frasier: I don't know what's worse. That you want me back or that you think I can be won so easily.
Lilith: You think I'm responsible for this?!
Frasier: You assume you can just snap your fingers and old Frasier will come-a-running? Well, I'm sorry, it doesn't work that way, sister. First of all I have to be finessed.

Frasier: Good Lord, here we are writing an article on taking your child through a divorce. And our own son is nursing the hopeless fantasy that we'll get back together. We've got to go talk with him.
Lilith: No. Wait a minute. Something is not right here. When has Frederick ever expressed the slightest desire to see us together?
Frasier: He could have been sublimating it for years.
Lilith: Even so, he lied to both of us. He had to have known that we'd compare notes.
Frasier: All right, so his plan was a little artless.
Lilith: Unless... That's exactly what he wanted.
Frasier: What do you mean?
Lilith: Think about it. He makes us believe that he wants us together. Of course, we have to tell him that that's not going to happen. His hopes are dashed and we feel so guilty that we compensate by getting him something he wants.
Frasier: A minibike?

Lilith: Frederick, have a seat, we need to talk to you.
Frederick: What about?
Lilith: We know that you've been trying to maneuver us together and it's only natural for a child of divorce to want that. Generally speaking, your plan would be fruitless, but when your father and I let down our guard and looked at each other in the candlelight, we realized that we belong together. In other words, we're getting remarried.
Frederick: Do you really mean it? [Frasier nods] This is going to be the best Christmas ever! I'm gonna go tell Uncle Niles.

Frasier: Have you lost your mind?
Lilith: He's cooler than I thought.
Frasier: Cooler? This isn't a game of poker! This is our son being lied to by his parents. We've got to go in there, tell him the truth and make it up to him. Even if it takes a fleet of minibikes.
Lilith: No, no, Frasier. No, see, we called his bluff. Now, he's calling ours. The question is, what's our next move?
Frasier: Oh, I know, why don't we just consult this handy little guide for divorced parents?

Niles: What's this joyous news I hear?
Lilith: You know, Frederick, you're going to have to give up all of your friends, because we're going to live here in Seattle.
Frederick: I'd live anywhere to be a family again.
Niles: So it is true, congratulations to you both, good night. [heads for the door]
Frederick: Don't you want your coat, Uncle Niles?
Niles: No, thank you.

Frasier: Oh well, there he is. Telling his friends that all of his dreams have come true.
Lilith: Unless that's what he wants us to think?
Frasier: When will you stop?
[Lilith walks to the base station and turns on the speaker phone]
Frederick: [v.o.] It worked. All I did was tap into my parents' feelings of inadequacy and they crumbled.
Boy: [v.o.] What does that mean?
Frederick: I'm getting the minibike.
Lilith: [into phone] Frederick.
Frederick: Uh-oh!
Lilith: Do I know my son or do I know my son?

Frasier: He was willing to put us through absolute hell just for a minibike?
Lilith: You know what this means, don't you?
Frasier: Yes... he's normal. We're not bad parents. Well done, Dr. Sternin.
Lilith: Well done, Dr. Crane.

Lilith: Well, we really should get in there.
Frasier: Yes, I suppose we should. Must be sheer torment for him, waiting for the ax to fall.
Lilith: Absolute hell.
Frasier: Absolute nightmare. ... Wine?
Lilith: Love some.