‘The Ann Who Came to Dinner’
Season 11, Episode 13 - Aired January 13, 2004
When Frasier learns that the house insurance has expired, he invites Ann, with whom he had an awful date, to his apartment to arrange coverage. Unfortunately, she has an accident in the kitchen while Frasier is still uninsured.
Quote from Niles
Ann: Hi, Niles.
Niles: Hello, Ann. It's so nice to see you. I'm sorry I can't stay.
Ann: You're leaving? You're always leaving.
Niles: Oh, just lately. Bye.
Quote from Roz
Frasier: Roz, I've been meaning to ask you. How did you ever become friends with Ann? I mean, she's really not your type, is she?
Roz: Oh, we're not really friends. I rear ended her in 1989.
Quote from Frasier
Frasier: Caroline.
Caroline: Hi, Frasier. Am I early?
Frasier: Uh.
Ann: Who are you?
Frasier: Uh, just a neighbor.
Caroline: Is our date still on?
Ann: Date!?
Frasier: [pained] No. Since we made our plans, Caroline, I've met someone else.
Ann: Me! So beat it.
Caroline: Frasier?
Frasier: [still pained] Just go!
Quote from Frasier
Ann: Well! Someone's quite the tomcat. I don't know what I'm gonna do with you.
Frasier: I don't know what I'm gonna do with you either.
Quote from Frasier
Frasier: All right, fine. Go ahead and sue. I am fed up with this charade. This was an accident! I have cared for you, I have waited on you, I have pumiced your heels and set your hair. Well, if that's not enough for you, so be it! I don't care anymore. I will not beg! You can take me to the cleaners but you cannot take my dignity!
Ann: Okay. See you in court.
Frasier: Oh, dear God. Please, no! Please, no. No, please! Please! Please don't sue me! My... things. My beautiful, beautiful things. I love them so.
Ann: Are you crying?
Frasier: [weeping] No.
Quote from Niles
Patrol Officer: According to her tracking device, your wife is in this vehicle.
Niles: But that's absurd.
Daphne: And she's his ex-wife.
Martin: Oh, no, the press is here.
Patrol Officer: Open the trunk, sir.
Niles: Look, look. Please, there's an item of a very personal nature in there, if you could just keep the media away...
Patrol Officer: Now!
Niles: See, see? No Maris. Oh, careful with that. That's what I didn't want you to-
[The patrolman pulls the cover off the painting.]
Martin: Oh, geez!
Patrol Officer: What the hell is that?
Niles: It's Pan, the satyr. A minor god of mischief, debauchery and fornication. [The patrolman looks disgusted.]
Daphne: That's what our son would look like if I were a goat.
Quote from Niles
Patrol Officer: Here's your tracking device, right there.
Martin: She conned us!
Niles: Well, you have your bracelet. I guess I'll just take my painting.
Patrol Officer: Sorry, sir, this is evidence.
[The officer turns the painting around, so it faces the waiting press]
Niles: No, no, don't...!
Quote from Niles
Frasier: So, that's it. No more Maris.
Niles: Strange to think I'll never see her again.
Martin: She was a pain, but she was a character.
Frasier: Well, then, let's drink a toast to her. Well, there's just a drop left.
Niles: Perfect, I can't think of a more fitting toast.
Frasier: There we go.
Niles: To Maris.
Quote from Frasier
Frasier: [on the phone] Yes, Jim Sunquist, please. Yeah, Jim, it's Frasier Crane. Yes, I know. I've just discovered that myself. Listen, how much to renew? What? Well, I'm gonna have to think that over. Uh, right, I'll call you. Thanks, Jim. [after putting the phone down] Scandinavian shyster! Cold-hearted, glad-handed, highway-robber, phony big-toothed smiling son of a bitch insurance man! [noticing the phone is still on] Not you, Jim. Love to Marie.
Quote from Frasier
Frasier: Well, this is me. Uh, thanks again for holding the elevator, Caroline.
Caroline: Well, you did throw your briefcase into it.
Frasier: Yes, yes. Well, you'd be surprised how many people just kick it back out and just push the close button.