Martin: What am I, the dishwasher?
Frasier: No, Dad, you were invited because... Well, it just wouldn't be a party without you. Although, there may be a few women here who are unattached, who might just take a shine to an old debonair dog like yourself.
Martin: I'm just a piece of meat to you guys, aren't I?

Probst: See here, Crane. We abhor noise in this building.
Niles: Oh, I couldn't agree more.
[Tap dancing starts again in the kitchen]
Alfred: What do you call that?
Frasier: I believe that was "Lick it & Stick it".

Roz: Great party, Niles. I was a little surprised to get your last-minute invitation. You're not trying to set me up with anybody, are you?
Niles: Don't be ridiculous.
Roz: Good.
Niles: You're here because the caterer cancelled. Now, listen, I need you to open the wine, cut up some limes
and hang up this coat.
Roz: You actually think that I'm so hard-up for a night out that I'd spend an evening pushing drinks in "God's Waiting Room"?
Niles: Keep your voice down.
Frasier: Roz, please!
Roz: You're paying for the babysitter.

Martin: How was dinner?
Daphne: It was wonderful. You should have come over and joined us.
Niles: Oh, well, it looked like that you had enough to contend with, what with your table's fork shortage.

Frasier: Tour?
Niles: I could hardly let these people know where I was living. I told them I was on a lecture tour of Africa so they wouldn't try to contact me.

Frasier: When did you take up tap dancing?
Dr. MacLowery: Oh, years ago. I figured if I didn't dance, I'd go crazy. [He wildly tap dances around the living room]
Niles: I'm not sure he caught it in time.

Daphne: Oh, there goes that damn loose earring again. Thank goodness it didn't fall in the punch bowl. We don't want someone choking on it, do we?
Frasier: Yes, although nothing says "party" like a tracheotomy.

Frasier: For God's sake, Niles, will you do something with this damn bird?
Niles: Onto your perch. Here you go. Over here.
Baby: Niles sucks.
Niles: The boys at the Shangri-La used to love teaching you things like that. It's so tiring.
Baby: Bite me, Niles.
Niles: Right back at you. Frasier, please hurry with the hors d'oeuvres, the guests are already hostile towards me. I'm not going to win any points by starving them.
Baby: Stuff it, Niles.
Niles: Oh, don't tempt me.

Mrs. Latimer: Dr. Crane.
Niles: Yes.
Mrs. Latimer: Who is that distinguished-looking man over there? I've been trying to catch his eye but he's far too engrossed in that gardening book.
Niles: Well, that's actually my father, Martin. Dad? Don't mind him, he's painfully shy.
Mrs. Latimer: Oh, I know just how he feels. I'm a bit of a shrinking violet myself. [calling loudly] Martin!

Roz: Do you see that obnoxious old lecher?
Niles: Well, you're going to have to be a lot more specific.