‘Sweet Dreams’
Season 5, Episode 24 - Aired May 19, 1998
After Frasier chickens out of a public protest when the police start arresting people, he questions when he became so timid and risk-averse. Determined to act more boldly, Frasier stands up to the new station manager.
Quote from Niles
Frasier: Daphne, I am so sorry, I feel just terrible.
Daphne: As you should! You left me handcuffed and helpless.
Niles: If you ever find yourself in that position again, be sure to call on me. For help.
Quote from Frasier
Martin: I can't believe it took me six hours to get her out. In my day cops could count on a few perks, you know. No speeding tickets, get your friends out of jail fast, it's all gone to hell!
Frasier: Yes, well, let's hope they never do away with that old "All jewelry up for grabs at the morgue" policy.
Quote from Martin
Niles: Hey Dad, what about you?
Martin: You know, Niles, maybe I will come get a bite with you. You know, sitting around six hours in that station house, I could eat anything.
Niles: Well, let's go, then.
Martin: Oh, good. I can't wait. [Niles opens the door] Where are we going anyway?
Niles: Oh, well... [Martin and Niles leave, closing the door behind them]
Frasier: [on the phone] Hello, yes, I'd like to order a large pizza. What toppings? Uh, just a second. [Martin returns] Dad, what do you want on your pizza?
Martin: Pepperoni.
Frasier: Pepperoni, please.
Quote from Frasier
Roz: Frasier, I want to introduce you to someone. This is our new station manager, Kenny Daly.
Frasier: It's a pleasure.
Kenny: Oh, no, no, it's my pleasure. I have to say I'm just a, whoo, huge fan. I only had this reaction once before. Did you ever hear of Norman Mailer?
Frasier: Of course, the author.
Kenny: Oh, no, no, I'm talking about the drive-time guy, worked out of Tampa. "Norman In The Mornin.'" So funny you pray for traffic.
Frasier: Well, I'll try to catch him next time I'm in Tampa ... in the mornin'.
Quote from Kenny
Kenny: Oh, I almost forgot. I got a call from the "Happy Dreams" tea people. They had a bunch of spots scheduled for the first hour and you forgot to read them.
Frasier: Actually, I didn't forget. I had a look at the copy, and, well, I couldn't read it.
Kenny: Oh, why not?
Frasier: Well, just listen to this here. "One cup of 'Happy Dreams' tea and you'll have happy dreams all night long." Well, the fact is that dreams are a bi-product of unresolved emotion. No tea can promise happy dreams.
Kenny: Oh yeah, I totally get it. Here's my problem. Our ad revenues are down and they're a major new sponsor. I just promised them that you'd read the ads this hour.
Frasier: Yes, but as a psychiatrist I can't. They're promising something that's impossible.
Kenny: Okay. Okay, now I understand. What if we just think of it more as a slogan?
Frasier: You see, but it's not a slogan. If I as a doctor read it, it sounds like medical advice.
Kenny: Okay, now, totally get it. So, instead of saying "This is Dr. Frasier Crane," just don't say doctor.
Frasier: Kenny, perhaps I'm not making myself clear here. Let's try this, I will never read this copy.
Kenny: Oh, this is the part of my job I really hate. You take a stand like that - and I totally respect it, by the way - you force my hand. That's our biggest sponsor. So unless you're willing to go on the air right now and read that ad, I have to fire you.
Quote from Frasier
Frasier: Well, I didn't realize you felt so strongly about it. I guess I have no choice.
Kenny: Oh, thanks, Dr. Crane. Oh, what a relief. [Kenny goes into Roz's booth]
Frasier: Hello, Seattle. The people who know me best will not be surprised by what I'm about to tell you: I am
not a man who betrays his principles. I am not a man who misleads his listeners and I am not a man who will shrink from a fight. Today, I find myself in a fight over the content of my show. But rather than truffle to the forces of commercialism, I've decided to take a stand on principal, even if it means... [Roz enters his booth] I'm not on the air, am I?
Roz: No. He put on "The Best of Crane."
Frasier: How much did I get out?
Roz: Well, let's see. [presses button]
Frasier: [taped] People who know me best will not be surprised by what I'm about to tell you: I am not a man.
Frasier: Perfect.
Quote from Martin
Martin: What happened?
Frasier: Well, they simply asked me to violate a principal I believe in, and I refused.
Martin: Well, then I'm proud of you. What did they want you to do?
Frasier: Well, there's this product called "Happy Dreams" tea. They wanted me to say that it gives people happy dreams.
Martin: And?
Frasier: Well, that's it. I couldn't make a claim like that.
Martin: Well, every commercial promises something they can't deliver. That's what makes it a commercial.
Frasier: Yes, Dad, that may be...
Martin: It's like that cologne that's supposed to drive women wild. I've used it all my life and I've never had a single strange woman come on to me. Except for that year I worked in Vice.
Frasier: Yes, I understand.
Martin: But that wasn't about cologne, let me tell ya.
Frasier: Yes, I understand.
Martin: They were hookers.
Frasier: I realize that.
Quote from Kenny
Frasier: Hello.
Kenny: Look, I know I must be the last person you want to see right now, but please listen. Since I fired you I haven't been able to eat or sleep.
Frasier: Kenny, it's only been and hour and a half.
Kenny: Well, I'm a napper.
Quote from Bulldog
Frasier: Well, what is the matter with you people?
Gil: Isn't it obvious? We're frightened.
Frasier: Of what?
Roz: Of everything. We're in a building called the Black Tower; those guards in the lobby must have been seven feet tall; and that metal detector thing we had to go through was really scary.
Bulldog: It's even scarier finding out that Gil wears an anklet.
Quote from Frasier
Frasier: All right, that's enough. Get out of the elevator all, of you. Because I'm ashamed of you, intimidated by a building. We're here for Kenny, the man who wants to start KACL daycare, Roz. The man who approved the extra airbrushing charges on your new publicity photos, Gil. And you Tooty, who was it that just doubled the story-time puppet budget?
Tooty: I know, Kenny's a great guy, but I met Joe Martin once. He was a very scary man with eyes as cold as a winter night-
Frasier: Oh all right, Tooty!