‘Star Mitzvah’
Season 10, Episode 6 - Aired November 5, 2002
Ahead of Frederick's Bar Mitzvah, Frasier asks Noel to teach him a little Hebrew.
Quote from Martin
Martin: Can you believe it? Somehow it got buried deep down in storage. But, Eddie and I found it just in time for the Bar Mitzvah.
Daphne: What smells like burning plastic?
Martin: Oh, that means the flash unit's working.
Quote from Niles
Niles: I thought the retina-scorching flash meant that the flash unit was working.
Martin: Not always.
Niles: I still remember the night of my junior prom. Dad wanted to get a nice close-up of me and Margaret Coover. Unfortunately, he got a little too close and the heat from the flash seared the gold plating off Margaret's necklace onto her skin.
Daphne: You never mentioned Margaret Coover before.
Niles: I didn't? Margaret Coover. Petite, brunette, gilded.
Quote from Martin
Martin: It's tough to watch your kids grow up.
Frasier: Well, he's... still just a boy. He's only thirteen.
Martin: [tapping his shoulder] It goes fast.
Quote from Niles
Daphne: How's Lilith taking it?
Frasier: Well, I suppose it's a bittersweet experience for her. I can't really say for sure. You know, she's always been rather guarded with her emotions.
Niles: Not always, Frasier, I've seen her get quite emotional.
Frasier: I'm sure you have, Mr. Been-There-Done-That.
Daphne: What does that mean?
[The Crane men are all silent and exchange looks back and forth]
Niles, Frasier & Martin: Nothing.
Quote from Niles
Daphne: What are you hiding?
Niles: Oh. Um, some years ago... [looking to Frasier]
Frasier: In a complete drunken stupor...
Martin: Totally stinko...
Niles: I had an unplanned, uh, and instantly regretted, uh, night of amore... with Lilith.
Daphne: A one-nighter?
Niles: Of amore.
Quote from Frasier
Daphne: And when were you planning on sharing this interesting bit of information with me?
Niles: Soon. Very soon. Never.
Daphne: Well, what's done is done. I suppose we've all had our romantic missteps. But just to be clear, are there any more secret sweethearts who I see on a regular basis?
Niles: No. Nobody. [looking to Frasier] Nobody? Nobody.
Frasier: I certainly wouldn't count Anamari Hanratty at the Natural History Museum.
Niles: Frasier?
Frasier: I said I wouldn't count her. I mean, they just made out. It was for charity. But it doesn't really matter, I mean, the woman makes out with everyone. You see, she's not really the kind of person that you'd...
[Frasier goes over to Martin's "flash-and-whine" camera and pulls the trigger. In the ensuing blinding flash, Frasier runs out of the apartment.]
Quote from Noel
Frasier: It's not really such a big deal is it, Noel?
Noel: It's a huge deal. Who knows when I'll get to see Scott Bakula again? I'll be the laughingstock of my clan.
Frasier: Noel, try to remem... Clan? No, never mind. Never mind. Noel, surely you realize that Star Trek is just a TV show.
Noel: So was Brideshead Revisited!
Frasier: You're angry, so I'm going to ignore that.
Quote from Noel
Roz: "Dear Noel. I hope this begins to repay you for your great kindness to me, especially in light of my negligence. Your friend, Frasier Crane."
Noel: He called me "friend"?
Roz: That's really sweet of him.
Noel: I've got to call him before he delivers his speech.
Roz: You taught him dirty words in Hebrew, didn't you?
Noel: Uh, not quite. They're the same words, but they're in Klingon.
Roz: From Star Trek? That's not even real.
Noel: It's the fastest growing language on the planet! This is what you people don't understand. A man named Gene Roddenberry had a vision...
Roz: Call him!
Quote from Niles
Daphne: Nice girlfriend you've got there.
Niles: If you're trying to embarrass me, it's not going to work.