Niles: If you must know, I'm a little jealous. I told Maris about your troubles. All she does is sulk and
talk about bodyguards. "Why don't we need one?" "Aren't we important enough to be stalked?" I have no idea what to say to the poor woman.
Martin: Tell her to just go on being herself and her day will come.

Cindy: You have a security system in this place?
Daphne: We don't need a security system. We've got Eddie here.
Cindy: Hello, Eddie. [Eddie buries his head under a pillow]
Martin: Don't let him fool you. You lay a hand on me, you'd have a bite on your butt the size of a tennis ball.
Frasier: And Eddie would go for your ankles.

Cindy: By the way, Dr. Crane, I'll need to know your blood type, location of the nearest trauma center and a list of any family members who'd be willing to donate organs.
Niles: Just so you know, Frasier, I have unusually small kidneys.

Roz: I'm talking about this. Three hours until the limo picks me up for the SeaBea's and my nose erupts like Krakatoa!
Frasier: It's barely noticeable.
Roz: From where? The Space Shuttle?

Frasier: Well, I understand congratulations are in order for you as well, Bulldog. What is this now?Four nominations? Three wins?
Bulldog: Yeah. I've been a symbol of broadcasting excellence in Seattle since 1991.
[Bulldog sniffs the air before barking at a woman outside]

Roz: Vintage Roz or what? I finally lose five pounds and I gain three of it back on my nose!
Frasier: Roz, Roz. Listen, I'm sure that with enough foundation and some contouring, maybe a little shadowing- Have you considered wearing a beekeeper's mask?
Roz: Do I make fun of that Astrodome you call a forehead?

Frasier: "I'm very disappointed in you, Dr. Crane. You didn't wear the scarf I knitted you even though it was very cold. The last man who disappointed me that way is in his grave. P.S. I'll be at the awards tonight and I'll be looking for you. Your number one fan, Kari."
Roz: Oh great. I'm sitting at your table with a bullseye on my nose!

Frasier: Dad, there's a big difference between a policeman and a skilled bodyguard. These people are trained to size up a crowd, plan escape routes, even get shot if necessary.
Martin: Hey, I know how to take a bullet.
Frasier: Oh, yes, that's just what your personality needs - another bullet!

Frasier: Now Roz, listen, you look terrific. You've done a wonderful little job with your problem there. It's practically disappeared.
Bulldog: Whoa, Roz. Won't you guide my sleigh tonight?

Martin: You're Kari aren't you?
Kari: How did you know?
Martin: You made a scarf just like that for Frasier. He's my son.
Kari: I think there's been a big misunderstanding. I'm just a fan. I never meant to frighten him.
Martin: Well what about that note about the last guy who didn't wear the scarf ended up in his grave?
Kari: That meant my husband, Walter. He caught pneumonia. I won't bother your son anymore. Could you just tell him what happened?
Martin: I'll be glad to explain and, if I'm lucky, he won't understand and I'll have to explain all over again.
Kari: I'm sure he'll understand. That's the one thing about your son, Mr. Crane, he's so smart and level-headed.
Martin: What's she been smoking?