Frasier: Would you do this commercial?
Niles: Oh, certainly not, I'm a respected psychiatrist. [looks at watch, then stands]
Frasier: So what you're saying is that I shouldn't do it.
Niles: No, no, no, no. I'm saying it doesn't matter. Let's face it, Frasier,they've already looked up your skirt and they've seen everything there is to see.

Bebe: Well, I understand if you have a problem.
Frasier: Well I- I don't mean to be difficult, I do have my standards, you know? I only endorse things that I like or.. or that I think are therapeutic, like the hot-tub.
Bebe: Let me pinch you, you're not real!

Frasier: Damn it! I just put a dent in my front bumper when I pulled into my parking space. Does anybody know what happened to that tennis ball I hung over my space so I wouldn't pull up too far?
[Eddie walks by with a tennis ball in his mouth, drops it at Frasier's feet]
Martin: He was bored. He needed a toy. Hey, go ahead and throw it, he'll run and get it for you.
[Frasier throws the tennis ball off the balcony]
Martin: He didn't think that was funny and he knows where you sleep.

[As Frasier attempts to zip up his fly:]
Bulldog: Whoa! Doc, this is a radio studio, not a bus terminal.

Frasier: Look who's here, Roz, Noël Coward.
Roz: Listen, Bulldog. I hate to mix business with revulsion but Frasier, as usual, will not do this promo.
Bulldog: Love to.
Roz: Great. I need it done now.
Bulldog: No problem. Doc. Doc, with all due respect, you're an idiot. These promos are easy money.
Frasier: Money is irrelevant. It's a question of integrity.
Bulldog: Integrity. [knocks on Frasier's head] Hello! We're talking mucho dinero. But, hey, the more you turn these down, the more Liver Snaps for the Bulldog. [Barks]

Frasier: I hold a position of trust in this community, people do what I tell them to and I would hate to be accused of abusing that position. The thought of a doctor selling things is kind of distasteful.
Daphne: What about Dr. Sneezy's cold medicine?
Frasier: Dr. Sneezy is a cartoon character. The fact that he's a giant purple hippopotamus probably should have tipped you off.

Martin: I say take the money and run.
Frasier: Well, you know, I'm tempted, if for no other reason than to keep Bulldog from further alienating the Asian-American community.

Martin: Tell me again why I'm here?
Frasier: Because if I do the commercial I have to say that my friends and family enjoy this, and I won't say it unless it's true.
Daphne: I feel kind of silly sitting here in the showroom.
Frasier: Well, I apologize for that, but it's the best place to try one. So, tell me the truth. Aren't you two enjoying this?
Daphne: Well, I do like the bubbles. It's a little like sitting in hot champagne. Not that I've done that very much.

Frasier: [taped message] This is Dr. Frasier Crane. In these pressure-packed times, what could be better that a warm, relaxing dip in a Renwood hot tub? Let Renwood's patented Ultra-Blow air system surround your body. My family and friends like it-
Daphne: [to Martin] That's us.
Frasier: [taped message] -and you'll like it too. And if you act quickly, you'll receive a complimentary scum guard. So hurry down to your Redwood Hot-tub dealer. Say Frasier Crane sent you.

Frasier: Well? What do you think?
Daphne: I could almost smell the chlorine.
Frasier: Dad? How about you?
Martin: [leaving] I liked it.
Frasier: Really?
Martin: Yeah. I liked it.
Frasier: You really, really like it?
Martin: No, I liked it.
Frasier: Well, what was wrong with it?
Martin: Nothing.
Frasier: You hated it, didn't you?
Martin: Yeah. Goodnight, Frasier.