Martin: This is the only time Sherry can go shopping with me and I can't go without her. There isn't a woman alive with her fashion sense.
Niles: Carmen Miranda having passed on.

Roz: Big news. Gertie Oldson is leaving the station.
Daphne: What, from "Gertie's Grotbag"? I love that show.
Frasier: Oh please, that homily-spouting hausfrau? It's the most embarrassing thing on the air. So, she finally got canned, eh?
Roz: No, she got a million-dollar TV deal.
Frasier: Well, good news for Gertie and for the many atheists who will welcome this new proof of their theory.

Roz: Daphne? Okay, you be the girlfriend of a couple who wants to spice things up in the bedroom. Niles, will you be her boyfriend?
Niles: Yes.
Roz: Okay. I'm here with Fred and Patty. Tell me, you two, what made you think that your sex life needs a little jump start?
Daphne: It's all his fault. He just seems to have lost interest in me. I've done everything I can to entice him. I've...
served dinner wearing nothing but high heels and an apron. I've called him at the office and talked dirty. And last night when he came home I was lying in bed wearing a whipped cream teddy! But, did he care? No!
Roz: And none of this turns you on, Fred? [Niles is staring into the distance] Fred?
Niles: That's nothing. You should hear the other things that don't turn me on. Tell me about it, Patty.

Roz: Let's cut to the chase. Patty, men are like fish: when you first hook 'em they wriggle around like crazy, but once you finally reel them in they just lie there with that glassy look. I'd throw this one back.
Niles: That's terrible advice.
Roz: No, it isn't.
Niles: Yes, it is. You have no idea how Fred really feels about Daphne. Patsy.
Daphne: Patty.
Niles: Patty!

Martin: Very funny. Well, you haven't exactly been burning it up in the romance department either.
Daphne: What do you know about my love life?
[Niles presses play on the tape recorder]
Daphne: I was lying in bed wearing a whipped cream teddy. But did he care?

Martin: So, hey Roz, I hear you're trying out for a new job?
Roz: Yes, as a matter of fact I am. And you can really help me with my demo.
Martin: What do I do?
Roz: I just want an honest answer. I want to talk to you about first dates.
Martin: Okay.
Niles: Are you sure Dad's the best candidate for this particular subject?
Martin: Quick survey. How many Crane men here with a girlfriend? [Martin raises his hand] No, no. Keep them up while I count.

Roz: All right. We're here with Martin and we're talking about first dates. Martin, tell me some of the tricks you use to impress women.
Martin: Hmmm. Well, I'm sorry to disappoint you, Roz, but I really don't know any tricks. I mean, if a woman agrees to go out with me, I, well, I'm not there to impress her or to play cool. I'm there because I want to know her, what she thinks, what she likes, so that if I'm lucky enough to get another date I can plan something that I know she'd like to do. I guess I'm still old-fashioned or something, but I think you should treat a woman like a queen. [Daphne and Roz share a look] Bow to the master, boys. Bow to the master.

Bulldog: Hey, Bebe!
Bebe: Bulldog Briscoe, my absolute favorite client.
Frasier: Hello, Bebe.
Bebe: And Frasier Crane. Alert the judges, we have a tie!

Roz: Fire Bebe.
Frasier: Will that- Well- How many things? Isn't there something else you'd like?
Roz: The only thing I wanted was that job, and she took it away. I'm not just suggesting this for my sake. I'm suggesting it for yours. She is your representative. When she goes out into the world lying and twisting your words and stabbing people in the back, it reflects badly on you.
Frasier: You're right, Roz. How can I consider myself an ethical person when I have the Princess of Darkness conducting my business for me? Well, that's it. I'm going to have to fire that conniving harpy.
Roz: I'm very proud of you.
Frasier: I'm ashamed to think how long I've turned a blind eye on her unscrupulous behavior. And what for? A 20% pay increase, six-week paid vacation, an expense account, a travel allowance...
Roz: Frasier?
Frasier: Well, not anymore.

Roz: Oh, poor Bebe, how many fake pills do you have to take everyday?
Frasier: Yes, do you really think that you can sit there popping a bunch of... Digitalis. Oh, my God. You really are sick.
Bebe: Well, of course I'm sick. But it makes me even sicker to think that I've angered your will when all I wanted to do was keep the best damn team in radio together.
Roz: Oh God, we're gonna need a shovel to get out of here.