Bulldog: This stinks! This is total BS!
Frasier: Oh, what are you upset about, Bulldog? You've got a job.
Bulldog: Not anymore. I got canned last Friday for saying something on the air. I was talking with this golfer chick who said she wanted to enter the Women's Open. Like I'm supposed to leave that alone.

Frasier: A gold leaf candle snuffer? Huh. My, what a spendthrift this Charles the Tenth was. Well of course I want you to bid on it for me, Greg, so start waving your paddle.

Martin: I want to put stickums on the door so Eddie remembers it's glass.
Frasier: Oh, yes, Dad. By all means, let's add rainbow decals to the nose prints and the bits of fur that already festoon it.

Frasier: Dad, what on Earth are you doing?
Martin: Oh, Eddie's woozy. There's this vicious blue jay on the terrace that keeps teasing him, then Eddie goes chasing after him, slams into that glass door and this bird just struts around, big as you please, laughing that snooty bird laugh.
Niles: Snooty bird laugh? [sniggers]
Martin: Yeah, like that.

Niles: Oh, that'll be Roz. Maybe I'll take my leave before the fur starts to fly.
Frasier: Oh, Niles, there's not going to be any fur flying. Unless of course she bought one on the way over here.

Frasier: Bidwell's? My God, isn't that a little pricey?
Niles: I'll say, it's Maris's favorite store. They give points for every dollar you spend there. One year, she got enough to have Tony Bennett come to our house and sing.

Frasier: How do I know there's anything more extravagant in here than calendars and socks...
Niles: Don't even think about it. You know as well as I do that there is absolutely no justification for going through her bags.
Frasier: You're right, there isn't. [He takes his keys and drops them in a bag.] Now there is.

Niles: I should go. I want to get down to the spa before Dad. He may bridle when the front desk clerk asks him if he prefers a man or a woman.

Colette: Can I get you anything else?
Frasier: Yes, a taxi.
Colette: I already called.

Martin: What's goin' on?
Frasier: Good news, Dad. Good news! We got our jobs back at KACL.
Martin: Oh, great. Congratulations.
Roz: Well, I thought we'd at least get smile out of you.
Martin: I thought I was smiling.