Martin: Nah, I'm beat. Sometimes it's better to just get a good night's sleep and start fresh in the morning. Good night, fellas.
Frasier: Night, Dad.
Niles: Don't forget, brush your teeth and say your prayers.
Martin: [laughs] That's what I used to say to you guys when you were kids, didn't I?
Frasier: No, you didn't.
Martin: Oh. I meant to.
Niles: We knew that.

Niles: Who is this menacing little mono-brow?
Daphne: Oh, that's Robitaille, a logger. An ex-boyfriend of Helen's. He used to come down from the mountains every couple of months and disappear with her.
Niles: If you ask me, he's the murderer.
Daphne: Impossible. He's got an air-tight alibi.
Niles: What is it?
Daphne: He was killing somebody else at the time.

Niles: This is a snapshot of the murder victim with her pet monkey, Koko. He was given to her by another boyfriend, Clive Brisbane.
Frasier: Well, why wasn't Brisbane a suspect?
Daphne: Well, he was, but several witnesses saw him at the racetrack at the time of the murder.
Niles: Excuse me, is that Clive Brisbane the animal trainer?
Daphne: That's right. Brisbane's Amazing Apes. They opened in Las Vegas for Engelbert Humperdinck.
Frasier: Yes, it's easy to forget there was a time when Las Vegas wasn't the tacky place it is now.

Frasier: You know, there is a way that Brisbane could be the killer, and still have his horse track alibi hold up. Daphne, Niles, I present you with ... the killer!
Daphne: A monkey was the trigger man?
Frasier: Just play along with me here. They're capable of shooting arrows. Why not a gun?
Daphne: Well, why would Brisbane have her killed?
Frasier: Because- Because she jilted him for someone else.
Daphne: Robitaille, the logger!
Frasier: Exactly! My God, we've done it!
Daphne: No, you've done it, Dr. Crane!
Frasier: Well, yes! But you were standing very close by.

Frasier: Is Dad home?
Daphne: Nope, I haven't seen him since he knocked me up early this morning.
Frasier: What?
Daphne: Knocked me up. Woke me up. It's an English expression. What does it mean here?
Frasier: Oh, something else. You'd definitely be awake for it, though.

Frasier: Well, wasn't he?
Martin: No, it was Shelby.
Frasier: Who's Shelby?
Martin: He was a vice cop. He was in love with Helen.
Frasier: Oh. Well, that was my second choice.
[Everyone starts laughing]
Frasier: Can I freshen anyone's drink?

Martin: Niles, the game is that way.
Niles: I know, I'm just calculating our escape routes in case of fire or urban unrest. Maris taught me that.
Martin: You love her, don't you?
Niles: Yes I do. Why?
Martin: It just helps to know that.

Marjorie: "And I just wanted to thank you, Dr. Crane. Because of your advice, I've conquered my fear of heights. I- I took it slowly, gradually going higher and higher, until here I am, right now, having lunch at the top of the Space Needle!"
Frasier: Marjorie, congratulations. I am so proud of you.
Marjorie: "I mean, when I think of how you- [loud scream]"
Frasier: God, what's wrong? What happened?
Marjorie: "I just looked down."
Frasier: Well, Marjorie, don't do that. Look at your luncheon companion, look at your menu, but don't look down. You're only feeding your fears when you do that.
Marjorie: "Maybe I wasn't ready for a window table."
Frasier: No, no, no. Of course you are, of course you are. You can beat this thing.
Marjorie: "You're right. I can, Dr. Crane, if I just- [loud scream]"
Frasier: Do not look down!
Marjorie: "No, I didn't. My check just came."

Frasier: Oh, Niles. Niles, this is it. This is it. The basketball game.
Niles: Basketball?
Frasier: Yes, yes, I can get another ticket from the promotional department. Oh, this is perfect. Just imagine how excited Dad will be to go to a game with his two sons. My God, it's the archetypal male bonding ritual!
Niles: Couldn't we just go into the woods, kill something and have done with it?

Martin: What are you guys doing drinking wine at a ball game? You should be drinking beer.
Niles: Dad, I only drink beer when I eat German food. Which is to say, never.