Frasier: You know, I really did overreact this morning. After all, it was kind of cute, I suppose. [laughs] "Hall of Thinkers." Never let it be said that Frasier Crane is the kind of man who is incapable of laughing at himself.
Waitress: These are for you.
Frasier: Oh. [laughs] Yes, I see, some patron has sent me some sticky buns. That's very funny. Very funny, indeed.
Waitress: You ordered those, sir.
Frasier: Oh, so I did.

Niles: Frasier, I thought you might like to join me. I'm going down to Abigail's to have my crepe pans re-seasoned.
Frasier: Gosh, I'd love to, Niles, but I've just drawn myself a nice herbal bath.
Martin: [on the phone] No, no, it's just Daphne. She's watching PBS. Okay, I'll talk to you later, Duke. [hangs up] Does the whole world have to know what goes on in this house?

Frasier: I'm in the mood for love... [jumping up an down]
Chicken: Oh. Oh, my God! The whole ceiling's falling down.
Frasier: Oh, good Lord! Oh, good Lord.
[Niles, in hysterics, rushes in]
Frasier: Niles, be careful, the whole ceiling's caving in.
Chicken: Hey, listen, I think we found out what the problem is. It's that [dropping accent] humongous ass of yours.

Frasier: Oh, dear God!
Niles: Now, now. Don't worry. It won't get you down for long. You've always had a thick skin. Unless that Tahitian Vanilla softened you up a bit.
Frasier: Get out!

Frasier: Leave me alone! For God's sake, have some respect.
Martin: Was that Mrs. Kurdsmen?
Frasier: She dropped her medication in the hallway. As I stooped to pick it up, out came her camera like an assassin's blade. Well, if she wants to control those blood clots, she'll cough up that film.

Frasier: Quickly, Niles, inside. Come on!
Niles: Why didn't you hold the elevator? Didn't you hear me shouting?
Frasier: That was you? I'm sorry, Niles, I was afraid you were trying to get a picture of my butt.
Niles: How exciting to be present at the birth of a new phobia.

Frasier: I've decided it's time to fight back. I was up to all hours last night crafting my response to those two idiots. I believe I have arrived at a masterful rebuttal.
Martin: I'm not sure you want to call it your rebuttal.

Martin: You know, Frasier, if you go and read that on the air you're going to set yourself up for a year of abuse. You know, this kind of thing is probably the reason why these guys started picking on you in the first place.
Frasier: All right, Dad, what exactly are you saying? That I somehow managed to bring all this misery on myself?
Martin: No, I'm not saying that. Well, have you ever wondered why these bullies have always kind of zeroed in on you two?
Niles: No, we don't wonder why, we know the reason.
Frasier & Niles: Jealousy.
Martin: Okay, there's a little bit of that, too. But you know, you kinda give people the impression that you're... above them.
Frasier: Pish-tosh!
Niles: Poppycock!

Niles: Morning, Daphne.
Frasier: Oh, Daphne, do you think we're snobby, superior and condescending?
Daphne: That's it. I'm getting me door sound-proofed.

Martin: See what I mean? People think you're stuffy. You know, with your opera parties, and your wine parties, and your seasoned crepe pans.
Frasier: In my defense, Niles is the only one who has ever seasoned his crepe pans.
Niles: Which is precisely why I've had the same set since the ninth grade, thank you very much.