Martin: All right, that's it. I've had enough of you two jackasses. I've spent the whole night listening to you making cracks about the food and the health. Well, I've got news for you. People like this place. I like this place. And when you insult this restaurant, you insult me. You know, I used to think you took after your mother, liking the ballet and all that. But you mother liked a good ball game, too. She'd even have a hot dog once in a while. She may have had fancy taste, but she had too much class to make me or anyone else feel second-rate. If she saw the way you two behaved tonight, she'd be ashamed. I know I am.

Frasier: Dad, Niles and I and, uh, Maris would like you to join us for dinner on Saturday night at Le Cigare Volant, one of the hottest new restaurants.
Martin: Oh, gee, I don't know.
Niles: Oh, oh. The food is to die for.
Martin: Niles, your country and your family are to die for. Food is to eat.

Roz: We have Pam on line four. She's having a problem with her family.
Frasier: Hello, Pam. This is Dr. Frasier Crane. I'm listening.
Pam: "Hi. It's my in-laws. It's just that, well, they drop over all the time without calling first and they expect us to stop what we're doing and entertain them."
Frasier: Well, they're your husband's parents. What does he suggest?
Pam: "The other day he had us drop to the floor and stay quiet until they drove away."
Frasier: A creative approach, but hardly a long-term solution.
Pam: "Well, I thought about saying something but I'm afraid I'll hurt their feelings."
Frasier: Well, then, you have a choice. Either you risk hurting their feelings or you spend the rest of your life diving for cover whenever they happen to drop on by.
Pam: [Doorbell] "Shh! They're here!"
Frasier: Your in-laws?
Pam: "Shh! Yes."
Frasier: (Whispers) Then why don't you just take this opportunity- Oh, for Pete's sake! Why don't you just tell them how you feel.
Pam: "Okay, okay. I will. Next time. I promise. Thanks, Dr. Crane."
Frasier: Ah, well, as Pam belly-crawls across her living room, let's take a moment for this message from Carpet Fresh. How's that for a segue?