TV Quotes

Judge Stern: Is this everybody?
Niles: Yes.
Judge Stern: Let's get started. We come here today to unite this man and this woman in marriage. I understand Daphne and Niles have composed vows that are especially significant to them. Niles.
Niles: [listlessly] Uh, I, Niles Crane take you, Daphne Moon, to be my wife. I, I vow to you my, my fidelity and support, honor, respect, uh, honesty, protection, and support. You are my comfort and joy and, oh, shoot, there's one more.
Daphne: One true love.
Niles: One true love. That's right. Okay, you go.
Daphne: "Okay, you go"? I, Daphne Moon, do... I'm sorry, this is wrong. I can't stand here and rattle off a bunch of words that don't mean anything anymore. I can't go through with this.
Donny: Yes! I knew it! Now you know what it's like to have the love of your life dump you at the altar! And good luck trying to find somebody as good, because she just ain't out there!

Martin: Oh, you're lucky. I always wanted to go to Bora Bora.
Niles: Oh, it's going to be fantastic, Dad. We're staying in a thatched hut built out over the water. In the middle of the floor, there's a window where you can look straight down to the bottom of the ocean.
Martin: Well, I hope it's not too deep. When we went to the top of the Space Needle and you looked down, you got sick.
Niles: Dad!
Martin: All over that poor Japanese tour group.
Niles: Dad!
Martin: And when I yelled down to warn them, they just looked up.
Niles: That was three years ago!

Roz: Ever heard of Lupe Velez?
Frasier: Who?
Roz: Lupe Velez. The movie star in the '30s. Well, her career hit the skids so she decided she'd make one final stab at immortality. She figured if she couldn't be remembered for her movies, she'd be remembered for the way she died. And all Lupe wanted was to be remembered. So, she plans this lavish suicide. Flowers, candles, silk sheet, white satin gown, full hair and make-up, the works. She takes the overdose of pills, lays on the bed and imagines how beautiful she's going to look on tomorrow's front page. Unfortunately, the pills don't set well with the enchilada combo plate she sadly chose as her last meal. She stumbles to the bathroom, trips and goes head-first into the toilet. And that's how they found her.
Frasier: Is there a reason you're telling me this story?
Roz: Yes. Even though things may not happen like we planned, they can work out anyway.
Frasier: Remind me again how it worked for Lupe, last seen with her head in the toilet.
Roz: All she wanted was to be remembered. Will you ever forget that story?

Frasier: I have someone here with me today, someone you haven't seen for quite a while. There's something she'd like to tell you, something she's wanted to tell you for a very, very long time. Mrs. Mulhern?
Mrs. Mulhern: You little whore!
Nora: Mother!
Mrs. Mulhern: So, you thought you could get away from me, did you? Thought you could leave me to rot in that dump without barely enough cash for a bottle of Mateus. You'll pay for that, missy!
Roz: I was wrong, Frasier! Your way is better!