Frasier: Now listen, before anyone says something they'll regret...
Daphne: Butt out! If you hadn't opened your big mouth we wouldn't be in this mess. Donny wouldn't be suing me and everyone else in sight and I wouldn't be out two weeks salary for a new dress I'm apparently never going to wear, [to Niles] and you wouldn't be kowtowing to that shrew of a wife of yours!
Frasier: This is all my fault?
Niles: Oh shut up, Frasier! The only thing more hollow than your protest of innocence is your big fat head!
Frasier: I am wounded!

Mel: Attention, everyone. Before we cut the cake, Niles' brother, Frasier, would like to make a toast in our honor.
Martin: I didn't know you were doing this.
Frasier: Neither did I. [speaking to the crowd] Well, ah, love... is an awesome force. It can make us do things we never imagined were possible. For you see, we don't actually choose love, it chooses us. And once it has, we are powerless to do anything about it. Ladies and gentlemen, raise your glasses with me in toasting my brother... and the love of his life. For she is truly the woman of his dreams, and my father and I couldn't be more thrilled with his choice. To the happy couple.

Frasier: What is my offense? What egregious sin have I committed, that I should be so maligned? Was I to just sit idly by and watch these two misguided souls embark on doomed relationships? Would they have thanked me for that? Not very likely, I dare say.
Martin: Who moved the mustard?
Frasier: Top shelf, door.
Martin: Bingo.
Frasier: And then, when they were perched on the very brink of disaster, I snatched them from the gaping maw and placed them gently into one another's arms. But am I accorded a hero's welcome for my troubles? Am I hoisted on their shoulders and paraded about the room?
Martin: I don't have my glasses. What's the expiration date?
Frasier: Last week.
Martin: I'll chance it.
Frasier: No! Those two ingrates turn on me like vipers, and make me the villain of the piece. Well, hear me now. From this day forward, Frasier Crane will not interfere with those two. This is it. Finished. Finito. Non quam postea.
Martin: Uh-huh.
Frasier: I know I've made declarations like this before, but I tell you what, Dad, you mark the calendar. You note the time on your watch! This. Is. It.