Frasier: I've got something I've gotta talk to you about. For the next couple of days, you're going to hear some rather nasty stories and some snide jokes about your old man.
Freddie: Mom's coming?
Frasier: No, no she's not.

Frasier: Would you please call Dad and get him down here?
Niles: All right. [on the phone] Yeah, Dad? Hi, my credit card was declined. Well, we need yours. Yeah. Well, right. Yeah, I'll see you soon.
Frasier: Oh, God, this is intolerable. Now it'll take him twenty minutes to get here.
Niles: No, he's waiting in the car.
Frasier: What? Why didn't he come in?
Niles: Frasier, this was his old precinct. When we pulled up outside, I saw a look on his face I haven't seen since he drove us home from our first and only little league game.

Frasier: Oh, will this nightmare never end? Now, listen Dad, we're bound to get a lot of calls about this thing. Please do not answer the phone, don't talk to anybody, just let the machine get it. You don't want to give them anything they can turn into something tawdry...
[as they enter the apartment, Daphne is on the phone:]
Daphne: Yeah, I live with Dr. Crane. Yeah, there's quite a bit of massage involved.
Frasier: Daphne!
Daphne: Mostly around the hips, thighs and buttocks.
Frasier: God! Give me that! [grabbing the phone] No comment!