Niles: Let's get some lights on. [claps]
Frasier: Good Lord, what the hell is that?
Niles: Maris had it made after she lost power in a storm. Battery operated, works on a clapper so you can find it in the dark. Only problem was, the poor thing, try as she might, could never clap hard enough to activate it.

Daphne: You dirty old man. Flirting with a girl her age.
Martin: Well, she was flirting right back. I saw her giving me the once-over.
Daphne: Yeah, she looked once and it was over.

Niles: Dear God, what's that?
Frasier: It's a small crack, a little bird flew into it the other day. I'm replacing the pane next week.
Niles: Next week?
Frasier: Yes.
Niles: Well, that's too late.
Frasier: It's just a piece of tape. No one will even notice.
Niles: You have no idea how cutthroat my rivals are. They will leap on the tiniest imperfection. Last night, Sebastian Melmoth threw a lavish Japanese banquet. A certain rival spent the entire evening carping about how the obis on the geishas' kimonos were improperly tied.
Frasier: "A certain rival?"
Niles: All right, me.