Lilith: Niles, I'm afraid with this interview, I'm running a little behind schedule. So, I'm enlisting you to help with the turkey.
Niles: Oh, well, I've never cooked a turkey before, but the recipe's here, I guess I can fumble my way through. How far along are you?
Lilith: I'm nearly done defrosting.
Niles: And the turkey?

Martin: Why does Lilith have to tag along anyway?
Frasier: Well, she just didn't want to spend the holiday alone. Her husband is off in New Zealand, exploring a volcano.
Martin: Why couldn't she go with him?
Niles: Well, because if she accidentally fell in, the shock wave from the hottest thing in nature meeting the coldest would actually crack the Earth in two.
Frasier: As if a smile from Maris couldn't freeze Mercury.
Martin: Guys, let it go. Nobody's going to win this one.

Martin: I still don't know how it happened. I lobbed it right to him.
Niles: Oh, when are you going to learn, Dad? The only thing the Crane boys are skilled at catching is sarcastic nuance and the occasional virus.