TV Quotes

Roz: Gee, what a couple of Nerdlingers.
Frasier: Oh, and I suppose you were Miss Popular at High School?
Roz: I would say yes.
Frasier: I'm guessing that explains why, too.

Niles: Obviously the time has come for me to expand my practice, so I'm placing an ad in the Seattle "Style" magazine.
Frasier: An advertisement? Isn't that a bit commercial for a psychiatrist?
Niles: Said Dr. Pot to Dr. Kettle! Besides, a highly respected obstetrician on my floor did it and now his waiting room has more swollen bellies than a Buddhist temple. [laughs] I like that. I'm on my way to call it in, I just want to run it by you.
Frasier: All right. "Dr. Niles Crane, Jung specialist. Servicing individuals, couples, groups. Satisfaction guaranteed. Tell me where it hurts." Well, that's just excellent, Niles. All you're missing now is a very tasteful cartoon of you smiling brightly and holding a shrunken head.
Niles: Sorry, I didn't hear you. I was too distracted by your face going by on the side of a bus.

Niles: Of course, I can't take care of him.
Frasier: Oh, yes, of course. Of course. Why?
Niles: Because Dad doesn't get along with Maris.
Frasier: Who does?
Niles: I thought you liked my Maris.
Frasier: I do. I like her from a distance. You know, the way you like the sun. Maris is like the sun, except without the warmth.

Frasier: What the hell was that? Was that a gunshot?
Niles: Morning, Frasier. Just getting up?
Frasier: "Just getting up?" Are you out of your mind? A gun just went off in here!
Martin: Niles bought a starter's pistol.
Niles: And there's no need to get snippy. Accidents happen, you know.
Frasier: Oh, I'm sorry. Was I snippy? I didn't realize it was too much to ask that there not be gunplay in my living room!