Niles: When you think about it, our only mistake today was trying to fix that toilet ourselves.
Frasier: Yes, we tampered with the natural order of things.
Niles: But now, order has been restored. By hiring a plumber, that plumber can now afford, say, a Dolly Parton album. Miss Parton can then finance a national tour which will, of course, come to Seattle, allowing some local promoter to make enough money to send his cross-dressing teenage son to us for $150-an-hour therapy.
Frasier: To the circle of life.

Danny: No, I'm sorry. I just don't remember you.
Niles: Well, perhaps you'll remember third period gym class. You used to make me wear my jockstrap like a tiara?
Danny: Oh, yeah! Were you the kid who used to carry his gym shorts in an attaché case?
Niles: It was a valise.
Danny: I remember you. Boy, those were some crazy times. You ever see any of the old gang?
Niles: Look, you're missing the point. I was severely scarred by those experiences.
Danny: Hey, wait a minute. I can't defend everything I did back in junior high, I mean who can? But let's face it, when you show up at school wearing a tweed blazer with elbow patches and carrying a valise, I mean, I think the guilt here is fifty-fifty.

Niles: [on the phone] Maris, I'm afraid I'll be delayed a few hours. Frasier and I have taken it upon ourselves to tackle a home repair. Yes, I'm working with my hands. Yes, I've worked up a bit of a sweat. I suppose I could take my shirt off.
Frasier: Niles, what are you doing?
Niles: She seems to be getting aroused at my attempt at manual labor. [on phone] Maris, I'm holding some sort of wrench.
Frasier: [taking the phone] Give me that! [on phone] Hello, Maris? Maris, Niles is busy now. No, never mind what I'm wearing.