Frasier Quote #2666
Quote from Frasier in The Return of Martin Crane
Roz: We have Tom on the phone from Woodenville.
Frasier: Hello, Tom. I'm listening.
Tom: [nervously speaking fast] "Thank God, I thought I'd never get through. Dr. Crane, I'm-I have a problem, and I don't know what to do. I'm supposed to get married soon, but I'm having second thoughts. Do you think it's just cold feet, or-or what?"
Frasier: All right, Tom, just calm down, let's work through this thing together, you and I. Are you in love with this girl?
Tom: "Of course. Yes. I, I think."
Frasier: Now remember, Tom, this is the person with whom you'll be spending the rest of your life. That is a long time.
Tom: "It is, isn't it?"
Frasier: Yes. In fact, getting married is probably the biggest decision you will ever make in your life. It requires time, temperance, and thought.
[The wedding march can be heard from Tom's end of the line]
Frasier: Tom, what's that music?
Tom: "Sorry, Dr. Crane. There's no time to talk. I have to tell Monica the bad news."
Frasier: Wait, wait, wait, Tom, no! [dial tone] Oh, dear. Well, if anyone out there happens to know Monica, just tell her to call in on Monday and I'll move her right to the head of the line. Um. Meanwhile, this is Dr. Frasier Crane, saying good day, and good mental health.
Features in the collection: I'm Listening.
Frasier Quotes
‘I'm Listening’
Quote from Frasier in Selling Out
Roger: "Well, I had a really good year, so I decided, hey, why not reward myself? So I bought what I really wanted, a 48ft cabin cruiser. Want to know how much it cost me? I'll tell you how much it cost me, 300 grand. Not to mention the $20,000 for the custom teak decking. Now, here's my problem: My wife wants to call this incredible vessel 'Lullubelle', after her mother. 'Lullubelle!' So, I say no, we call it 'The Intrepid'. So, what do you think it should be called, 'Lullubelle' or 'The Intrepid'?"
Frasier: Roger. At Cornell University, they have an incredible piece of scientific equipment known as the "tunneling electron microscope." Now, this microscope is so powerful that by firing electrons, you can actually see images of the atom, the infinitesimally minute building block of our universe. Roger, if I were using that microscope right now, I still wouldn't be able to locate my interest in your problem. Thank you for your call.
Quote from Frasier in Here's Looking at You
Frasier: Hello, Doug, this is Dr Frasier Crane. I'm listening.
Doug: "Yeah, it's about my mother. She's getting on now and she doesn't have much of a life. I mean, she doesn't want to do anything or go anywhere. I mean, she literally hangs around the house all day. I mean, it is very frustrating."
Frasier: Doug, I'm sorry. Can we just go back for a second? You said your mother "literally" hangs around the house. I suppose it's a pet peeve of mine, but what you mean to say is she figuratively hangs around the house. To literally hang around the house you'd have to be a bat or a spider monkey. Now back to your problem.
Doug: "Do you mind if we stop while I tell you my pet peeve?"
Frasier: Oh, not at all.
Doug: "I hate it when intellectual pinheads with superiority complexes who nitpick your grammar when you come to them for help. That's what I've got a problem with."
Frasier: I think what he means is, "That is a thing with which he has a problem."
‘The Return of Martin Crane’ Quotes
Quote from Martin
[flashback to Martin's later days on the police force:]
Frank: You booted a car just to irritate your kid? Now that's a lot of trouble.
Martin: No, the real trouble was getting four guys to lift it and move it closer to the hydrant.
Quote from Martin
[flashback to the day Martin was shot:]
Martin: Did I tell you Frasier's not coming home for Thanksgiving?
Frank: Yeah, you did.
Martin: Means I'll have to spend it with Maris and Niles. Last time, she didn't even eat anything. She just sucked air through a rice cake. Boy, he sure picked a winner.
Quote from Kenny
Kenny: Please, Roz.
Roz: No way!
Kenny: Come on. I wouldn't be asking you if it wasn't an emergency.
Frasier: Is everything OK?
Kenny: Yeah, fine, good, everything's good. I'm supposed to stop on the way home and pick up some new... underthings for my wife.
Frasier: So?
Kenny: So? Every time I'm in one of those places I start thinking about... You know... Man-and-wife stuff. I turn all red, I start to sweat, I hyperventilate. Try getting somebody to wait on you when you look like that.
Roz: Well, sorry, Kenny, but I am not going to Victoria's Secret for you.
Kenny: Victoria's Secret? Whoa, whoa, Rockefeller, I'm talking Kmart.